Bronwyn Green

Rome S02E01: Passover or The One Where the Jarmada Continues Sailing on Stormy Slashy Seas

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March 4, 2016

Welp, Season Two started with a bang and I feel fairly certain I won’t remember any of this in the right order, but Caesar’s dead, Antony is shock and before he can quite deal with that, Pompey’s son Quintus and some of his buddies try to take out Antony, too. Antony goes to Atia’s. Atia is preparing her family to leave Rome (actually, she’s having their servants do it) when Antony shows up and tells her he’s got to raise an army to avenge Caesar.

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To Atia’s dismay, he insists on collecting Calpurnia, Caesar’s widow, and taking her with them. Calpurnia lets them in to pay their respects to Caesar. Caesar’s will is read and Octavian has been named Caesar’s son and heir. Antony has been left nothing. And he is not pleased. And Octavian comes up with a plan for not having to leave the city and winning the support of the people.

Meanwhile, over at Servillia’s Brutus is tortured by having helped kill Caesar, and Servillia is basically telling him to man up, that he did the right thing, etc. but Brutus is pretty distraught. Antony goes for a visit, lays out how they’re going to join together to honor Caesar at his funeral. And he kills Quintus on his way back to Atia’s.

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Vorenus, grieving over Niobe’s loses his shit and curses his children Niboe’s sister, acting as though he’s about to kill his kids. And shortly after he stumbles away in his grief, gets robbed and left in an ally. Shortly after that, everyone’s favorite mobster, Erastes shows up and takes all the children.

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Meanwhile, Pullo is busy proposing to Eriene, sheepishly apologizing for killing her fiancé and she inexplicably accepts. What the actual merciless fuck, Eriene?! They hear that Caesar’s dead, steal a horse and head back to Rome and find Vorenus unconscious in an alley. They clean him up and help him with Niobe’s funeral.

Caesar’s funeral is a giant-ass spectacle and Antony takes that opportunity to turn the crowd against Brutus and company, forcing them to leave Rome while he holds Servillia hostage.

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Pullo and Vorenus finally find out what happened to the kids and they go to a bathhouse and cut down all of Erastes’ men and finally Erastes himself after he tells Vorenus that he raped the children, slit their necks, and threw them in the river. I think he was just looking for an easy death. But anyway, Vorenus takes Erastes head home with him.

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

I’m not sure I actually have a favorite part of this episode…there’s a lot of awful shit, here.

Okay, so I guess Erastes getting what was coming to him was my favorite part. And also Pullo taking care of Vorenus.

My least favorite part of the episode:

Vorenus considering killing and cursing the kids. That was fucking awful.

Favorite costume:

This isn’t the best picture, but Servillia’s olive green dress with the embroidered leaves. WANT. Seriously, I would wear the hell out of that. (Sadly, this was the best pic I could find.)

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Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:

This week…I’m not sure. Though I was impressed that Servillia showed up at Calpurnia’s to pay her “respects” to Caesar.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

It’s a tie.

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Guess Jess’s head canon:

Jess was all about Pullo taking tender, tender care of Vorenus and then going on a vengeance murder spree with him.

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What made Jenny super happy?

Octavia embracing her rage.

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Jess’ take on Passover.

Jen’s take on Passover.

Loki Takes Over the Blog

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March 2, 2016

People of the World,

It is I, your great, and somewhat benevolent, ruler, Loki.

My foolish human, Bronwyn, wandered away from her computer and left her blog logged in, which means the time has come for my message to be heard.

As your great, and somewhat benevolent, ruler, I have a list of demands that must be met if we are to move forward in our Overlord-peasant relationship.

1.) All cats must be allowed to walk on the counters. If we can’t inspect the food you’re preparing, how will we know if want to steal it from your plate?

2.) All laundry be removed from the dryer posthaste. No one wants to sit in a basket of cold laundry. Only freshly dried clothes will do. Mhmmmm…toasty.

3.) High perches must be provided for each cat so we may look down upon you accordingly. Bookcases six feet high or higher are acceptable.

4.) Entertainment is crucial. A bored Overlord is a destructive Overlord. The same goes for all of my feline minions.

5.) We prefer our entertainment to be filled with only the highest quality catnip. Inferior quality nip leaves us feeling testy with a desire to clear every flat surface of books, candles, glasses, dishes, picture frames, plants, important papers, electronics…well, you get the idea. High quality nip, only. Isn’t that right, Mouse-Mouse?

6.) Move along, now. This is none of your concern, humans.

7.) Now…where was I? Yes, cat sized furniture is a must. While we will most likely ignore the feline furnishings in favor of your chairs, couches, tables and beds, to annoy you and cause you discomfort when the cat hair on your pillow sticks to your lipbalm, we also prefer to have options for our comfort. So, cat sized furniture for all. Get on that, already.

8.) When we don’t feel like laying on your furniture or the cat sized furnishings you’ve provided at our request, we demand that your laps, boobs, and computers be available for our cuddling needs. This is imperative and also non-negotiable.

9.) Lastly, I demand the return of my brother Thor. While I’ve remained ensconced in this human fortress, my brother is being held under the thrall of the human, Kayleigh Jones. Despite the fact that my foolish human is friends with this Jones woman, she has not been able to convince the Jones woman to release my brother to me.

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Once he is freed, together we will return to Asgard and I will take my rightful place on Odin’s throne. And communicating with you peasants via the internet will not be necessary once the Infinity Stone is again in my possession. Then, cats everywhere will rise up and take what is due them.

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But for now, we’ll settle for an unlimited supply of Kitty Bitties. Get on that, will you?

I will likely have more demands at a later date, but at the moment, my human is returning and I feel a nap coming on. Be sure to click the names and see who took over the other bloggers’ blogs.

Why I Write

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22 Comments

February 24, 2016

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I don’t know why I thought this would be an easy blog post. I mean, sure there are a lot of reasons that I write, but trying to condense it is trickier than I thought.

I write because I’m really not great at working in an environment that involves cubicles.

I write because I don’t like to wear pants or shoes and not wearing pants and shoes is generally frowned upon outside one’s home.

I write because I enjoy creating something that wasn’t there before while using the same twenty-six letters that everyone else is using.

I write because I get characters and bits of dialogue stuck in my head, and I want to follow them to see where they lead.

I write because when I was little and my parents got divorced (bear with me) some jerky guy wanted me to write about my feelings and I didn’t want to. My feelings were fine, thanks. So I wrote about a beautiful witch who lived in the woods with her pet cats, and dogs, and horses, and foxes, and bears. And she had lovely tea parties for all of her pets and the village children. But one day, a man came along and asked her about her feelings. So her pet bears ate him. After I wrote that story, that guy stopped asking about my feelings which were still fine, by the way, and I realized that words have power.

I write because sometimes, the witch wins and the bears get lunch.

I write because words have power.

I write because it makes me happy.

And isn’t that enough of a reason to do something?

Check out all the reasons the other bloggers write.

Rome S01E12: The Kalends of February or The One Where I Watched from Between My Fingers

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February 19, 2016

Pullo and Vorenus are getting their 15 minutes of fame for the whole killing everyone in the arena thing, but Pullo misses most of his because he’s recuperating in the hospital and when he hears he’s all kinds of popular, he leaves in what I can only assume is the Roman equivalent of AMA and heads back to Rome.

Vorenus and Niobe and family are gifted with some prime farmland from Caesar and head out with some priests to bless the field. Blessing the field entails having sex on the ground in front of everyone including the kids. Like you do…

Pullo ends up at Vorenus’ and Eriene is understandably furious at not only having her fiancé’s murderer in the house, but also at having to take care of him. Niobe prevents Eriene from stabbing Pullo, even though Pullo seemed okay with having Eriene off him. Later, Niobe gave Eriene the task of taking care of Pullo – feeding him and changing his dressings.

Vorenus, for his part, is so damn popular, Caesar decides to make him a senator. The rest of the senate in-crowd protests, but Caesar isn’t having it and makes Vorenus a senator anyway. Not only that, he allows Gauls and Celts to be senators, too. The senate in-crowd is furious. Brutus, Cicero and the rest of the dissenters meet at Servillia’s and plot Caesar’s murder and Servillia helps.

She also sends Atia a letter and invites her for tea. Atia doesn’t trust her at all, of course, but her curiosity can’t be contained. (I get you, Atia. I so get you.) Meanwhile, Servillia sends one of her servants to distract Vorenus by telling him a terrible secret, and the rest of the conspirators distract Marc Antony and other loyal and physically dangerous Caesar supporters. Once Brutus and the rest of the dissenters have Caesar mostly alone, they attack.

Okay, so you don’t go into a show loosely based on historical events and think Caesar’s going to survive. If you do, maybe Western Civ was never really your thing. But anyway, it’s not like I expected Caesar to make it out of season one, but his death was surprisingly horrific. And the look on his and Brutus’ face, when Brutus finally stabbed him, hurt. And I didn’t even like Caesar most of the time.

Back at Tea Time with Servillia, Servillia is laying out Caesar’s death and precisely what that will mean for Atia is great and glorious detail. And for once, Atia is stunned into silence. At least, briefly.

Meanwhile, Pullo has gone off to a specific shrine to ask forgiveness for all the terrible shit he’s done and he invites Eriene to go along with him, and she does. And Vorenus is storming back to his family’s home to find out if Servillia’s servant told him the truth about the boy being Niobe’s child rather than his grandchild.

Niobe tries to explain that she thought he was dead, he picks up a knife, clearly barely able to control his temper. She begs him to remember the child is innocent right before she throws herself out their window to her death. Vorenus is instantly all kinds of remorseful, but it’s too late. She’s dead. And the last scene we see is Pullo leaving the shrine, offering to hold Eriene’s hand, and she accepts.

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

Not gonna lie. I really kind of enjoyed Teatime with Servillia. She is the consummate hostess, even while delivering the most intense threats.

(After dropping the bombshell about Caesar’s death)

Servillia: Would you like some honey water?

Atia: *declines*

Servillia: I will make you suffer slowly. Slowly and deeply.

My least favorite part of the episode:

Niobe’s little boy seeing Vorenus crying over Niobe’s dead body.

Favorite costume:

Giving it to Eriene this week. I love those colors, and I especially love what she did with the scarf thing in her hair.

Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:

Nobody offers honey water and suffering like my girl, Servillia.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

Guess Jess’s head canon.

Jess was all about the Vorenus and Pullo bonding when Pullo left the hospital and ended up at Vorenus’ place.

What made Jenny super happy?

I’m going with Vorenus’ prowess.

Jess’ take on The Kalends of February.

Jen’s take on The Kalends of February.

Nostalgic Notes: Songs

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February 17, 2016

Nostalgic Notes is a new feature we’ve decided to try out. Basically, every other month, we’ll be blogging about random things we’re nostalgic about. This month, it’s songs.

I love music. There are so many songs that bring back a sense of nostalgia. My mom used to sing us to sleep at night. My brother and I used to sing our much younger sibs to sleep on nights when our mom had to work, and I sang my own kids and daycare kids to sleep, too.

Interestingly enough, all these lullabies were what’s come to be known as Wildly Inappropriate Lullabies.

Some WILs from my own childhood include: The entirety of Carole King’s Tapestry album (I can still probably sing that thing from beginning to end.) Carly Simon, Simon and Garfunkel, select Eagles songs, lots of Beatles songs, oh and there’s nothing like being sung to sleep to the cheery strains of Gordon Lightfoot’s Sundown or The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

I’ve been feeling especially nostalgic about David Bowie, lately. Space Oddity was also a bedtime song, and I used to love hanging out with my Aunt Malita and her Bowie albums.

I’m pretty nostalgic about The Imperial March from Star Wars mostly because one of Killian’s favorite things it the world was for me to sing the plot of Star Wars (yes, you read that right) to the tune of The Imperial March when I was putting her to bed.

Shriekback’s Cradle Song still guts me. I don’t think a more perfect parenting song exists. (Though, Dar William’s The One Who Knows comes close.) Just listened to Cradle Song now…and am suddenly overcome by allergies. Yes. That’s it. Allergies.

Here it is…in case you’re feeling the need to blow your nose.

Oh…The Dance by Garth Brooks. I’m not a country music fan – not by a long shot. But this song has a special, gut-wrenching place in my heart because a friend of my brother’s played it at my nephew’s funeral, and it was really just kind of perfect in that way that only hideously sad things can be.

The music from Labyrinth, and weirdly, Muppet Treasure Island, will always bring on an unmitigated wave of wistfulness.

Sometimes, I feel a bit nostalgic when I hear any of the Guns ‘n Roses songs off Appetite for Destruction. I hated that album with an unholy passion because my brother played it incessantly. But then I moved 12 hours away from my family for about a year (pre-internet and cellphone days, people) and any time I heard one of those damn songs, I’d miss my brother like crazy. One night at a bar, Mr. Brownstone was playing, and I went into the bathroom to cry because I missed my brother so much. Pathetic, I know.

I’ll always have a special place in my heart for 80s British New Wave and Billy Joel. And my girls Dar Williams, Tori Amos, Ani Defranco, Tracy Chapman, and Lucy Kaplansky. And Counting Crows, Rusted Root, and Toad the Wet Sprocket tend to give me a case of the “wistfuls”, too.

I know there are more, but this is what’s popping into my head right now.

So what songs are you nostalgic about?

Be sure to check out the other bloggers’ lists, too.

Flash Fiction #28 – Try

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8 Comments

February 15, 2016

So, the song that was chosen for this month’s flash fiction is Try by the Backstreet Boys. I’d never heard it before, so I gave it a listen, and this is what I came up with. Here’s the video, and here are the lyrics.

I glanced at Dylan. “Do I have to?”

He held up his hands in surrender. “I tried earlier. I’m not going in there, again.”

Sighing, I tied my hair back and armed myself for battle. Only part of the task was physical. The rest was entirely mental, and I was pretty damn sure I wasn’t up for it. No…I knew I wasn’t.

I peered around the corner at my adversary. He rhythmically drummed his fists on the surface in front of him in what I could only assume was a challenge. A call to arms. I met his gaze, and the drumming slowed, then stopped altogether. He’d seen me. I couldn’t put it off any longer.

Grabbing what I needed, I entered the room and sat across from him as he let out a bloodcurdling shriek.

“Look, I get that you’re sick of this, but trust me, so am I.”I nodded toward Dylan. “He’s sick of it, too. And if there were another way, we’d do that. But there’s not.”

I lifted my hand, and as he caught sight of what I held, another shriek filled the air, piercing my ears.

“I know you hate this,” I said, attempting to reason with him. “But you have to try.” extending the the dropper toward him.

He slapped at my hand and screw up his face as if he were about to cry. I quick grabbed his face with one hand and emptied the dropper into his mouth with the other. His eyes widened and he stared at me, his tiny fingers scrabbling against the highchair tray.

I glanced over my shoulder at Dylan. “That’s the trick. Distract and medicate.” Turning back to look at the tiny toddler dictator who ruled our lives, I got a face full of putrid, bubblegum-flavored antibiotic.

Dylan handed me a dish towel. “You tried.”

Go check out the other bloggers takes on the song by clicking on their names.

Kellie

Kris

Jessica

Rome S01E11: The Spoils or The One Where The Jarmada Has Hoisted its Mainsails

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2 Comments

February 12, 2016

Pullo has fallen on even harder times and becomes a mob assassin – referred to as mortality work – which kills me. In the process of doing his mortality work, he kills a dude in broad daylight and is thrown in jail which in Rome, looks like a cross between the sewer and an oubliette.

Vorenus is busy being all magistrate-y and one of his old soldier buddies comes to him and basically tells him to tell Caesar that the former members of the 13th want farmland. Haggling ensues with Vorenus making a better deal than Caesar expected. As a “reward”, Caesar invites Vorenus and his wife, Niobe to Atia’s upcoming party. Vorneus tries to gracefully decline and Caesar tells him to get used to hanging with a better class of people.

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Brutus is freaking out because of all the graffiti around town showing him killing Caesar, and his buddy, Cassius, is trying to talk him into getting with the program and offing Caesar already. Oh yeah, and I guess Caesar has declared himself Dictator for Life.

Atia has a symposium, which is what I’m going to start calling any party I throw, and warns Caesar that Servillia wants him dead and not to trust Brutus. Marc Antony tries to convince Octavia to put in a good word for him with Atia because I’m guessing he’s board and wants back in her bed. Atia mean girls all over Niobe and her homemade dress at the party while Caesar and Vorenus talk business.

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See? Super fake smile.

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Octavian begs Caesar to intervene and save Pullo from what will likely be guilty verdict and an execution. Caesar refuses, saying that if he helps, it’ll look like he was the one who hired the hit on that guy. (Spoiler alert: he was.) Octavian has his hired man attempt to a lawyer for Pullo, and nooooooobody wants to touch that case. Finally, a guy who looks like he’s got no trial experience whatsoever takes the case. It’s a train wreck and Pullo is convicted of death by combat. Before he’s brought to the arena, he catches a giant, disgusting cockroach and makes an offering to the gods to protect Eriene, Vorenus and his family. Then he disgustingly kills the cockroach. With his bare hands.

Vorenus goes to the arena to watch and weep over his friend’s impending death. But Pullo won’t fight. He just sits in the middle of the arena and waits to die.

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The three gladiators goad him, trying to wound his pride to get him to pick up arms. But he doesn’t care…until they trash talk the 13th. Then, friends, it’s all over. Pullo loses his damn mind and turns into a berserker and kills them all. More replace those guys, and he kills them, too, in the most epic hand to hand combat scene I’ve seen in quite some time.

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Pretty soon, all the champions are dead.

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Except this dude. And Pullo is exhausted and can’t possibly fight anymore, and Vorenus is crushed. (Picked that picture for you, Jarman.)

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Just as the big dude is about to kill Pullo, Vorenus leaps into the ring to save his guy while the crowd is chanting Pullo’s name.

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Later, Caesar tells Brutus that he’s going to send him to govern Macedonia and Brutus isn’t having it. They have this super loaded conversation about how they consider each other to be father/son and Caesar tells Brutus that he could order him to go and Brutus storms off and admits to his mother that she’s right – Caesar must die.

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And now…the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

Honestly, I’m really not the bloodthirsty type, but that hand to hand combat scene with Pullo being especially Pullo-y? That was pretty great.

My least favorite part of the episode:

Honestly? The squished cockroach. That was pretty vile.

Favorite costume:

It’s hard to see, but Atia’s symposium dress was pretty nifty.

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Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:

Atia was suuuuuuuuch a bitch to Niobe.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

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Guess Jess’s head canon.

Oh, this isn’t hard. The winds are freshening and the Jarmada has hoisted the mainsail. The Pullo and Vorenus ship is full sail. Vorenus damning the consequences to rescue Pullo is the sort of thing that makes Jarman particularly happy.

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What made Jenny super happy?

I feel like my answer is often Atia being Atia, but…yeah. That.

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Jess’ take on The Spoils.

Jen’s take on The Spoils.

Promptly Penned: Excuses

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5 Comments

February 10, 2016

Content Warning: Domestic Violence

Here’s this week’s prompt:

“This is where you make up some stupid excuse to leave early and stop returning my calls.” He leaned back in his chair with a sigh.

I sat down in the worn, velveteen chair next to the hospital bed that was set up in the living room. The heavy, smoke-stained curtains blocked out most of the daylight, just like they had for the majority of the time I’d lived here.

He turned his head toward me. His face was as ruddy as ever – broken capillaries crawling over his skin like spiders. And his nose had become even more bulbous and purple than it had been the last time I’d seen him. He might not be drinking now – not with the nurses coming in to monitor him, but it was clear that he’d been doing it steadily since we’d last spoken.

He narrowed his bleary eyes at me. “What the hell are you doing here?”

I shrugged, suddenly as unsure and nervous as I’d been when we were married, but I pushed away the discomfort and straightened in the chair. I’d moved beyond feeling inadequate a long time ago. I needed to not only remember that but act like it. “I came to see you.”

“What? Making sure I’m actually gonna die this time?”

Shaking my head, I pushed to my feet. “I don’t know why I thought things with you would be any different.”

“Let me guess…this is where you make up some stupid excuse to leave early and stop returning my calls.” He leaned back with a sigh.

“Grandpa,” the bemused voice of our granddaughter drifted to me from around the corner, moments before Casey peered into the room. “Who are you talking to? You never use the phone.”

If I’d had breath, it would have caught in my throat at the sight of Casey, all grown up.

“She reminds me of you at that age,” he said, his voice softening slightly. “Spunkier, though.”

Concern marred Casey’s face. “Grandpa, you okay?”

“It’s easier to be spunky when you’re not dodging empty bottles and closed fists,” I murmured, never taking my eyes off our granddaughter. Finally, I turned to him and held out my hand. “C’mon. It’s time.”

His rheumy eyes widened as he stared at me. “That’s why you’re here?”

“I’m here to make you lunch,”Casey said, worry tightening her voice. “Remember?”

He turned to look at her. “How about egg salad?”

Relief relaxed her features. “I’ll just put some eggs on to boil.”

He nodded. Then, as soon as her back was turned, he took my hand.

Texts from Cait – Part Nineteen

February 7, 2016

My Kid is a Hilarious, Hilarious Jerk – Update

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4 Comments

February 6, 2016

Okay, so some of you may remember a couple months ago when my daughter, Killian, tormented me with images of a certain creepyass dog. If you don’t remember that, you may want to check that out first, or this post won’t make a whole lot of sense.

I feel like some of you will be delighted to know that I completely forgot that the dog picture was taped to my driver’s license, and I didn’t even look at it before handing it to the pharmacist when I was picking up my Adderall. a few weeks ago. It was only when he started laughing that I realized the damn picture was still on there. And of course it was the hot pharmacist… I ended up having to explain the whole thing, and he thought it was hilarious.

Sigh.

Other than that, I haven’t really given the dog a whole lot of thought lately.

Until I got out of the shower, this morning.

I went to put on my glasses and…

I immediately hollered for Killian who had no idea what I was talking about. Then we heard the snickering from the other room. Apparently, Corwin decided to pick up where his sister had left off.

Little shits.