People of the World,
It is I, your great, and somewhat benevolent, ruler, Loki.
My foolish human, Bronwyn, wandered away from her computer and left her blog logged in, which means the time has come for my message to be heard.
As your great, and somewhat benevolent, ruler, I have a list of demands that must be met if we are to move forward in our Overlord-peasant relationship.
1.) All cats must be allowed to walk on the counters. If we can’t inspect the food you’re preparing, how will we know if want to steal it from your plate?
2.) All laundry be removed from the dryer posthaste. No one wants to sit in a basket of cold laundry. Only freshly dried clothes will do. Mhmmmm…toasty.
3.) High perches must be provided for each cat so we may look down upon you accordingly. Bookcases six feet high or higher are acceptable.
4.) Entertainment is crucial. A bored Overlord is a destructive Overlord. The same goes for all of my feline minions.
5.) We prefer our entertainment to be filled with only the highest quality catnip. Inferior quality nip leaves us feeling testy with a desire to clear every flat surface of books, candles, glasses, dishes, picture frames, plants, important papers, electronics…well, you get the idea. High quality nip, only. Isn’t that right, Mouse-Mouse?
6.) Move along, now. This is none of your concern, humans.
7.) Now…where was I? Yes, cat sized furniture is a must. While we will most likely ignore the feline furnishings in favor of your chairs, couches, tables and beds, to annoy you and cause you discomfort when the cat hair on your pillow sticks to your lipbalm, we also prefer to have options for our comfort. So, cat sized furniture for all. Get on that, already.
8.) When we don’t feel like laying on your furniture or the cat sized furnishings you’ve provided at our request, we demand that your laps, boobs, and computers be available for our cuddling needs. This is imperative and also non-negotiable.
9.) Lastly, I demand the return of my brother Thor. While I’ve remained ensconced in this human fortress, my brother is being held under the thrall of the human, Kayleigh Jones. Despite the fact that my foolish human is friends with this Jones woman, she has not been able to convince the Jones woman to release my brother to me.
Once he is freed, together we will return to Asgard and I will take my rightful place on Odin’s throne. And communicating with you peasants via the internet will not be necessary once the Infinity Stone is again in my possession. Then, cats everywhere will rise up and take what is due them.
But for now, we’ll settle for an unlimited supply of Kitty Bitties. Get on that, will you?
I will likely have more demands at a later date, but at the moment, my human is returning and I feel a nap coming on. Be sure to click the names and see who took over the other bloggers’ blogs.