Bronwyn Green

Merlin Club: The Labyrinth of Gedref or The One Where I Keep Reading Geldof and Now, “I Don’t Like Mondays” is Stuck in My Head (if you’re hearing the opening piano riff in your head…you’re welcome!)

Bronwyn

April 4, 2014

The episode opens with Arthur, Merlin and a hunting party wending their way through a mist-shrouded forest. Why Arthur’s wearing metal bracers is beyond me. Are you planning to do a little hand to hand combat with the woodland creatures, Arthur, or what? Weirdly, the other knights are in chain mail. Who wears armor to hunt?

Arthur has Merlin go deeper into the thicket to flush out whatever animal is hiding in there. Suddenly, Merlin gets this totally dreamy look on her face (and Jess’ panties fell off) and the camera pans over to show the viewer a beautiful unicorn.

And Arthur shoots it.

Yep. Straight up kills a unicorn and is totally gleeful about it. Merlin is horrified and knows there are going to be consequences. This is confirmed when he sees a sorcerer in the woods that no one else does. You can totes tell he’s a sorcerer because of the elaborate robes and wizardy looking staff.

After the credits roll, we see Arthur proudly showing off the unicorn horn to Uther and the other courtiers and Uther is so very proud. This seems like super not subtle subtext for: “Look father, my dick is huge!” Followed by, “Yes, son. Your dick ishuge. You clearly get that from me.”

Uther shows Gaius his son’s ~~large penis~~ unicorn horn, and Gaius makes a face. Uther gets all eye-rolly and says, “What is it, Gaius?” Gaius is all that’s bad luck, man. And Uther pooh-poohs him and says they’ll be the envy of every kingdom, because clearly ~~big dicks~~ unicorn horns aren’t magical or anything. Really, Uther!? Where do you live, again? And Arthur is happy to have approval from his bitter, distant father.

Merlin is still pretty distraught over the death of the unicorn and Arthur mocks him for it, then bitches him out because there’s rat shit in his chamber. Meanwhile, Uther summons Arthur. It seems all the crops have died everywhere in Camelot and now food must be rationed. Considering the way they waste food on a daily basis, this is going to be a problem.

Gaius does some sciencey things to try to figure out what killed the crops. Merlin suggests it must be magic, but Gaius is still clinging to his experiments. The people of Camelot are lined up outside the castle for food rations. People are panicking and there’s been some looting, so of course, Uther’s answer to looters is execution and Camelot will be under curfew from here on in.

Merlin runs into Gwen in town. She begins pumping water and all that comes out is sand. The well and the underground reservoir are completely dry and full of sand and it’s the same throughout the kingdom. Merlin tries to use his magic to turn the sand back into water and has no luck.

Arthur sends the guards to the lower town to enforce the curfew as Merlin is wandering across the courtyard. Arthur scolds him until they see the sorcerer, Anhora, in the courtyard. He plays magical hide and seek with them before ending up in the crypt. Like you do…

Anhora tells them that he’s the Keeper of the Unicorns. Lemme tell you, this dude has some serious eyebrows. They are so amazingly hairy that you could probably bead them. Anyway, he tries to tell them that Arthur is responsible for the misfortunes that have befallen Camelot and that he’s going to be tested. He needs to prove himself and make amends for killing the unicorn. Until he does that, Camelot will damned for all eternity.

Merlin tells Gaius about Anhora and the curse and thatArthur doesn’t believe that he’s responsible, because, hellllllllloooooooooo denial! Cut to Arthur – he discovers that the rat has eaten though his boot and he’s furious. Merlin tries to convince Arthur that he’s responsible for this. Arthur is still having none of it.

That night, Arthur and Merlin are keeping watch in the grainary when they catch a thief who was there to steal food for his children. Arthur ends up having mercy on the man and gives him the grain. Miraculously the water is restored to Camelot. Arthur is puzzled by it. Merlin explains it’s because the curse has begun to lift. Arthur tells Merlin to find him some food and as soon as Arthur’s gone Merlin spots the rat and magics it to death.

Meanwhile, outside Camelot, people continue to line up for rations. Arthur’s feeling guilty and decides to seek out Anhora while Merlin is feeding him a lovely rat stew. Arthur figured it out and makes Merlin have some, too. Morgana comes to the door looking for food and the little bastards feed the rat stew to her.

The next morning, Arthur and Merlin leave to seek out Anhora. He and Merlin go back to the forest and get separated. Arthur finds the man who stole the grain. He’s got a ton of food there and no kids. He insults Arthur and they have a sword fight because Arthur’s pride was wounded. Anhora is all kinds of pissed and says that Arthur fails the test. When they get back to Camelot, they discover that all of the food that they had in storage has rotted.

Uther tells Arthur that they must stop distributing food to the people. Arthur won’t have it and refuses to give the order and tells Uther to go fuck himself. (Not in so many words as this is a family show.) Arthur is feeling super remorseful and Merlin goes to the forest and begs Anhora to give Arthur one more chance, so he’s all, tell Arthur to go to the Labyrinth of Gedref to face a final test. If he fails, Camelot will be destroyed.

Merlin tells Arthur about the test and insists that he go with Arthur. Arthur, of course, won’t allow it. And in typical Merlin fashion, he follows Arthur anyway. Okay…here’s what I don’t get. It’s not like this Labyrinth is a secrety place. Arthur rides straight to it like he knew right where it was. So what…there’s just this big old Labyrinth within riding distance of Camelot? Is that where kids go to party? Does everyone know about it?

So anyway, Merlin follows Arthur inside and Anhora traps him and when Arthur finally makes his way through the Labyrinth, he finds Merlin and Anhora on one of the most gorgeous rocky beaches I’ve ever seen and I want to go to there. Arthur tells Anhora to let Merlin go but he can’t because Merlin is part of the test.

Arthur and Merlin are seated at a table at the sea shore with two goblets – it’s all very Princess Bride. One has poison, the other has harmless liquid. The rules are all the liquid must be finished and one person can only drink out of one cup. Arthur and Merlin argue over who should drink what and Arthur distracts Merlin, dumps everything into one cup and slams it. He slumps over and Merlin thinks he’s dead. He freaks and begs Anhora to let Merlin take his place. Then Anhora is all, he’s not dead, just drugged and explains that because unicorns are pure of heart, if one is killed, the killer must prove that s/he is pure of heart to make amends. Because Arthur was willing to die for Merlin that proved he was pure of heart.

They go back to Camelot to find that the crops have been restored, it’s harvest time and everyone is walking around with giant zucchinis. It’s all big smiles and big zucchinis. Arthur decides that they needs to take the unicorn horn to the woods and give it a proper burial – Arthur even apologizes to the dead unicorn. Once they do that, the unicorn comes back to life. Warm, fuzzy feel-good ending.

Now, for the questions!

1. If I’d written this episode…I would have had Gaius not dismiss Merlin’s suggestion that the crop failure was due to magic. Come on, people! It’s obviously magic because UNICORN!!!

2. The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. I loved Arthur standing up to his father and refusing to give the order to starve the people. I also love that he was willing to die for Merlin and his people to lift the curse.

I hated the fact that Uther was so willing to starve his people instead of asking for help.

3. Something you’ve never noticed about this episode before. How plasticy the plants looked on the forest floor.

4. Favorite Costume. This week, I’ve gotta give to the horse. That spiral horn really brought out the unicorn.

5. Here is Proof of some random head canon I’ve created. I didn’t create it, but there’s some definite Merthur moments. I would call the scene where Arthur tries to force Merlin to eat the rat stew rife with sexual tension.

6. What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? See above. I also think Jess was sighing about both of them being willing to die for the other.

7. What made Jen lose her shit (in a good or bad way) in this episode? I think it would have to be when Uther and Arthur’s extravagant/wasteful eating style catches up with them.

Jess’ take on the episode is here, and Jen’s is here.

Please join us Monday nights on Twitter at 8PM EST for #MerlinClub!

A Day in the Life of an Erotic Romance Author…Not as Exciting as Advertised

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April 2, 2014

When I suggested this topic, it sounded like a good idea.

I was wrong, dear reader. I feel that a day in my life might bore you to tears.

Let me elaborate.

5:40 AM – Alarm clock goes off, husband hits snooze.
5:50 AM – Alarm clock goes off, husband hits snooze.
6:00 AM – Alarm clock goes off, husband insists that we get up or we’ll all be late.

Well, whose fault is that, snooze hitter?

6:02 AM – Stumble blearily and bitterly downstairs and check email and facebook while waiting for husband to get out of the bathroom.
6:20 AM – Brush teeth, take meds and get in the shower while husband wakes up children.
6:50 AM – Wake up older kid who feel asleep on the couch. Point him toward the shower and fart around online.
7:05 AM – Remind younger child that school is mandatory and so are pants.
7:10 AM – Remind younger child that if he doesn’t move faster he’ll lose computer privileges.
7:15 AM – Walk up older kid who fell back to sleep on the couch after getting out of the shower and pour coffee.
7:20 AM – Herd children to the car.
7:35 AM – Drop off youngest at school.
7:55 AM – Drop off oldest at the bus stop (or have him drive himself if I don’t need the car.)
8:10 AM – Return home, play around on the internet and drink more coffee.
8:30 AM – Start a load of laundry.
8:40 AM – Stare hopelessly at my manuscript.
8:41 AM – Check Twitter.
9:00 AM – Make more coffee and stare at manuscript some more.
9:15 AM – Bargain with myself that if I get 500 words, I can have 5 minutes on Tumblr.
9:45 AM – Log in to Tumblr
10:20 AM – Release that my time management skills suck and that Tumblr is really shiny.
10:25 AM – Wallow in guilt and berate myself and promise to do better. Change load of laundry.
10:30 AM – Check mail (all three addresses)
10:35 AM – Put headphones in and actually write/edit.
12:30 PM – Look for something that looks like lunch.
12:45 PM – Check email, Twitter and Facebook (yes…I might have a problem.) and put something in the crockpot for supper.
12:55 PM – Write/edit
1:55 PM – Pick up oldest kid at the bus stop
2:45 PM – Pick up youngest kid at school
3:00 PM – Change out laundry and check on supper
3:10 PM – Back to the computer for more writing and social media checking, random house cleaning, phone calls etc.
5:00 PM – Husband comes home from work.
5:30 PM – Eat supper and hang out with fam and knit
8:00 PM – Possibly watch some TV (Monday is Merlin Club time!) read or write some more.
10:30 PM – Crawl into bed and wish I’d gone earlier.

Please note: my day also involves cleaning up a lot of cat puke at random intervals, sending and receiving a large amount of IMs and texts and also petting cats who think my laptop is their happy place.

Some days, I also get the added excitement of grocery shopping (I’d rather chew glass wrapped in tin foil) orthodontist appointments, therapy appointments and the occasional day off to visit friends or family.

So…there you have it. There’s not a lot of excitement going on here. Let’s see what everyone else’s day is like. Click on their names to find out. And this week, we’ve got Jenny Trout joining us.

Jess
Leigh
Kellie
Kris
Jenny

Merlin Club: The Moment of Truth or The One Where Jess’ Merthur Fantasies Kick Into High Gear

Bronwyn

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March 28, 2014

Buckle up, kids, it’s finally time for Jess to get her Merthur on!

The episode opens with a gently sweeping pastoral view of the village of Ealdor when a band of thugs on horsebacks rides in and demands the villagers’ crops. You can tell the leader is extra evil because he’s got a prominent facial scar…and oddly placed beard extensions.

Also, when Hunith (Merlin’s mama) tries to prevent him from taking food from the mouths of the village’s children, he backhands her. Then to really make his point, he shoots a random villager with a crossbow bolt. (No pun intended.) Cut to a view of the castle at Camelot and Hunith is making her way through the lower town. Merlin, who of course, is fetching water at that time spots his mother and demands to know who gave her the giant black eye. Aaaaand roll credits.

Hunith gets an audience with Uther Pendragon, The Least Interested King in the World and begs for help in dealing with the food raiding thugs. Uther is positively bored by the entire proceedings and looks like he’s wishing for a lively execution or something. He points out that the village of Ealdor lies in Cenred’s kingdom and that because of the treaty between the two kingdom’s sending an army of Camelot into Cenred’s lands would be an act of war. Hunith falls on her knees and begs and Uther still says no. Arthur, Merlin, Gwen, Morgana, pretty much everyone in the throne room really, looks pissed and disgusted with Uther.

Cut to Arthur standing on the parapets and Merlin going to speak to him. Arthur apologizes to him, presumably for the fact that his father is a giant douche, and Merlin tells him that he’s leaving to return to Ealdor. Arthur looks completely taken aback when Merlin says that he’s not returning. He plays it off with a bit of a joke but with the meaningful look that passes between them, the audience (and most importantly, Jess,) knows that they will truly miss one another.

In Gwen’s home, we see Gwen packing food, armor and a sword for Merlin’s journey. And we see just how bad Merlin is with a sword. When he says he’ll never be able to carry everything by himself, Morgana enters and says that he won’t have to, because she and Gwen are going with him. Merlin is stunned and touched by their friendship and goes to say goodbye to Gaius who is clearly worried about him, and off they go on their grand adventure – Hunith, Merlin, Morgana and Gwen.

That night while everyone is sleeping in the woods (and no one is keeping watch, mind you) Merlin wakes to the sound of hoof beats. He (clumsily) draws his sword and goes off to investigate. When he realizes it’s Arthur (in full armor), he swings around excitedly and almost clobbers Arthur. Arthur takes away Merlin’s weapon and heads to the campsite, and Merlin is very touched (but not in the way Jess wants him to be touched) that Arthur came to help.

The next morning, they ride toward Ealdor where Kanen and his men are ransacking the village. They find the secret stash of grain and Kanen is about to kill Matthew, the village’s leader when a sword comes flying through the air and sticks in a post conveniently located by Kanen’s head. And it’s Arthur riding in to save the day. And also Merlin, Morgana and Gwen.

There’s a brief skirmish in which our friends from Camelot fight off the bad guys – Merlin uses his magic and one of the villagers sees it – and Morgana jumps in and rescues Arthur. The thugs ride away with a threat to return and kill them all. You know…like bandits are wont to do.

The villager who saw Merlin use magic turns out to be his BFF from Ealdor, Will. Will knowing about Merlin’s powers is actually the reason his mom sent him to Camelot in the first place. But Will is loyal to Merlin and won’t breathe a word. (Will, incidentally, is Gendry on Game of Thrones. This mixes up my feels when I’m watching this episode.)

Will immediately dislikes Arthur and thinks he’s a pompous ass. Arthur gives a mini-inspirational speech to rally the villagers and Will contradicts him constantly and says he’s only there for the glory of battle and storms away in a huff. Merlin goes after him, but the other villagers are all down with fighting off Kanen and his men.

Merlin tells will that he needs to trust Arthur because he knows what he’s doing and wants to help, but Will isn’t having it. And there’s a bit of expository dialogue to let us know that something horrible and tragic happened to Will’s father because of men like Arthur. This is while Will is picking up a fallen chainmail and tabard stand so we can assume Will’s got real issues with nobility. (And we’re right.) Merlin tries to convince Will that Arthur isn’t like other nobles, that he’s actually Merlin’s friend. Will asks Merlin if Arthur knows his secret, and of course, he doesn’t, so he tells Merlin he’s living a lie.

That night, Arthur’s getting a taste of peasant life and asks Merlin if he’s always slept on the floor as they lay side by side, and they have a bit of a heart to heart about how Merlin grew up and life in a village and why he left it. When Merlin blows out the candle, Jess has vivid fantasies about some serious Merthuring happening under those thin, homespun blankets.

In the morning, Merlin is helping Arthur dress and Morgana makes a crack about him not knowing out to dress himself, meanwhile Hunith brings Arthur the breakfast he didn’t finish. As soon as Hunith turns her back, Arthur shoves the bowl of porridge into Gwen’s hands and goes out to train the men. Gwen hurriedly finishes it and lies to Hunith telling her that Arthur though it was lovely.

Hunith and Merlin are left alone and Hunith tells Merlin that Arthur cares for him a great deal. Merlin says that he’d do the same for any village, but Hunith disagrees and insists that Arthur is there for him, which Jess and I have taken to mean that Merlin’s mama ships Merthur, too.

Merlin goes off to the woods to chop wood and Will follows him. As it turns out, Will is hurt because he never really knew why Merlin left Ealdor. Then he’s pissed because he knows that Merlin could defeat Kanen on his own using magic, but Merlin won’t reveal his secret and he tries to explain to Will that he needs to hide it in order to protect Arthur, and as you can imagine, that doesn’t go over well at all.

Meanwhile, Arthur is attempting to teach the men of the village how to wield a sword. It doesn’t go particularly well. Meanwhile Gwen and Morgana are sharpening the few meager weapons they have. They decide that the men aren’t the only ones who can fight. While the men are practicing, Arthur asks Matthew to organize sentry duty which he does.

Morgana and Gwen approach Arthur and tell him they think the women should be allowed to fight. He, predictably, says it’s too dangerous and dismisses them. That night, when they think everyone is sleeping, Gwen and Morgana lay awake talking about how they don’t have a chance in the fight against Kanen. And they discuss how they all came for Merlin – including Arthur.

The next morning, Arthur is discussing creating a trap for Kanen’s men, they hear a scream from outside. The run outside to see a horse with a rider draped over its back. It’s Matthew, the sentry and he’s got a crossbow bolt with a note in his back that says, Make the most of this day, it’ll be your last. Then Matthew’s wife runs to him screaming while Will insists that Matthew’s death is Arthur’s fault and tells all the men that they’ll be slaughtered when Kanen comes.

He leaves and Merlin follows him to his hut where he’s packing his belongings. He’s planning to get out of Dodge Elador before the battle. And he points out that if Merlin used his magic no one else would have to die. Will tells him that Merlin is the one abandoning the people not him. He storms off and Merlin goes to find Arthur who’s sharpening his sword. He explains that Will’s father was killed fighting for King Cenred and that he doesn’t trust nobility. Arthur worries that maybe Will is right, that all the villagers are going to die. He contemplates telling all the villagers to leave to save themselves, but Merlin talks him into staying and fighting. Meanwhile Hunith is eavesdropping on this entire conversation.

That evening, there’s a village-wide meeting and Arthur says that the women and children need to take all the belongings they can carry and hide in the woods. Gwen steps forward and says that they’re not going anywhere. They’re going to stay and fight. The other women agree and step forward. Arthur knows when to keep his mouth shut and backs it on down and then gives a super inspiring speech about how they won’t be defeated because they’re defending their home, etc. etc. Everyone is appropriately moved. Possibly even Will. But he’s still kinda pouty.

When Merlin gets back to his mother’s hut, she’s waiting to talk to him. She’s upset that she went to Camelot. She feels she’s ruined everything for him because she fears he’s going to let his magic flag fly. The next morning Arthur is in the woods and Gwen brings him food that Hunith made. Arthur turns his nose up at it and Gwen gives him a major smackdown because food is scarce for these people and they’re sharing it with him. Then she remembers that she’s talking to the Prince of Camelot and apologizes. He tells her she’s right and thanks her.

When Arthur returns, Merlin moves to help him dress, but Arthur says for him to put on his own armor, then proceeds to help Merlin with it. This is a huge shift for them. They shake hands in a manly fashion and Arthur says it’s been an honor. Merlin says that whatever happens today, he hopes Arthur won’t think any differently of him. Arthur thinks that Merlin is just scared but we all know he’s referring to his magic. He’s about to confess when Morgana comes in to tell them that Kanen and his men have crossed the river. Opportunity lost.

Arthur shakes the hands of the men (and Gwen) waiting outside the hut then they all assume their positions. The medieval thug squad comes riding in and the villagers maintain their positions. Gwen and another person pull up a wall trapping the bandits in the village while Morgana frantically tries to start a fire. Merlin sees that she’s having trouble and runs to help, discreetly using magic to start it. The fire traps the men further and spooks the horses. Arthur gives the signal and all the villagers attack. Merlin is about to get bashed in the head with a mace when Will, dressed in his father’s mail and tabard, leaps from the roof and offs the bad guy and saving Merlin’s life. Will and Merlin realize there are too many bandits so Merlin uses his magic to create a whirlwind and scare a bunch of them away.

The villagers chase after them and only a few bandits are left in the village. Unfortunately, one of those is Kanen and they engage in single man combat. Arthur eventually prevails and Kanen falls to the ground. Arthur stalks over to Will and Merlin and demands to know who used magic. Just as Merlin is about to confess, Kanen gets a burst of deathbed energy, grabs a crossbow and tries to shoot Arthur. Will pushes Arthur out of the way and gets shot in the chest.

The carry him into the house and lay him on the table. Arthur is incredulous because Will saved his life. Then tells him he saved him twice and confesses to creating the whirlwind that scared off the thugs. Arthur tells Merlin to do what he can for Will and clears everyone from the room. After they all go, Will and Merlin have a heartfelt conversation about Merlin being a great man who will eventually serve a great king. Merlin cries and Will dies.

Later we see Will’s funeral pyre and Arthur offers his condolences to Merlin and then follows it up by lecturing Merlin about the dangers of magic and keeping secrets from him. Seriously, dude. That couldn’t wait until later!?

Hunith tells Merlin that he needs to leave because he belongs at Arthur’s side. He and Hunith have a tearful goodbye in the shadow of Will’s burning body.

Now, for the questions!

1. If I’d written this episode…I don’t know if this was something I would have changed, but I would love to know what happened when they all got back to Camelot – especially Morgana since her and Uther’s relationship is so complicated.

2. The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. I really love this episode. It’s in my top ten list – possibly even my top five. I love when Gwen gives Arthur the smackdown about not being a dick about eating food he considers substandard. I love that Merlin’s friends rallied around him and risked their lives for something that was important to him, and of course, I love the evolving friendship/merthurness between Arthur and Merlin and I love that Arthur made strides to step out of his father’s shadow and model of ruling.

I hated the fact that Uther was such an uninterested douche when Hunith was begging for help. And I also hated that Arthur felt the need to lecture Merlin on the dangers of magic so soon after Will’s death.

3. Something you’ve never noticed about this episode before. The blonde woman who was kicking ass in the battle between Ealdor and the thugs

4. Favorite Costume. This week, I’ve gotta give to Morgana’s battle gear. Love the silver bracers and the belt/fur/shirt combo. It’s spectacular.

5. Here is Proof of some random head canon I’ve created. I didn’t create it, but holy cow, there’s a shit-ton of Merthur moments going on.

6. What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? Ooooh – tough one. We’ve got the opposite problem this week – too many Merthur moments to chose from. I think it has to be when they were having their heart to heart in the dark and Arthur was trying to understand where Merlin came from and what he was looking for. It was a great bonding moment. Though, in Jess’ head, I’m sure they really bonded after Merlin blew out the candle.

7. What made Jen lose her shit (in a good or bad way) in this episode? In a bad way, I think it would have to be when Uther was positively disinterested in Hunith’s plea for Ealdor.

Jess’ take on the episode is here, and Jen’s is here.

Fears and Phobias – Boy Howdy, I’ve Got ‘Em

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March 26, 2014

How much time do you have dear readers? This could go on for a while because I have issues, people. Issues.

Spiders – Okay, so most bugs wig me out, but spiders are especiallyterrifying. (Yes, I know that technically, spiders aren’t bugs, but whatever.) In my house, we call them Satan’s Snowflakes – like snowflakes, no two are alike. Each one is individually handcrafted by Satan himself.

They have all those legs and they can go anywhere.Like sometimes, you’re just sitting on the couch yawning and minding your own business and you look up and there’s a spider on the ceiling…possibly waiting to fall into your mouth as you choke on a yawn. The little bastard below was hanging in the basement by my washing machine. And that’s when I stopped doing laundry.

Dentists – Now I have had some truly horrible experiences at the dentist. Seriously, there’s nothing like hallucinating while you’re under anesthetic, but aside from that, it seriously creeps me out to have someone else’s hands in my mouth. It’s just not okay.

Clowns – I don’t know the history of these little bastards, and I don’t care. They’re disturbing as fuck, and I want nothing to do with them. Now, there’s some horrid person dressing up as a clown on Staten Island and just creeping around scaring people. WHO DOES THAT!?!?!? Here’s the story if you want to see the madness for yourself. (Story.) I’m pretty sure if I saw that dude skulking around, I’d never leave my house again.

And because clown and spiders aren’t bad enough on their own, here’s a freaking Clown Crab Spider – What. The. Actual. Fuck. Evolution!?!?!?

In addition to the above, fairly stupid, things, I’m also terrified of things something terrible happening to my kids or the rest of my family and friends – but especially my kids.

I’m also phobic about house fires and on particularly bad nights, I can’t sleep without checking the entire house multiple times.

Tornadoes are another big fear – I’ve seen several up close and personal and that was way more than I necessarily wanted to. Every time, I hear the tornado siren in the spring and summer, I kinda get a little wiggy.

These are the main ones. I’m sure there are more, but these are the ones that jumped into my head first.

Check out the other bloggers fears and phobias by clicking on their names! Leigh Jones, Jess Jarman, Kellie St. James, Tess Grant and Kris Norris.

Merlin Club: Excalibur or The One Where Uther Momentarily Grows the Ability to Parent

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March 21, 2014

This episode opens with our favorite villain, Nimueh, in the burial vaults beneath Camelot casting a spell over one of the sarcophaguses – the only words that aren’t in Old English are Uther Pendragon. So you know *that’s* not gonna end well. And as if to underscore that fact, up pops an armored hand through the stone lid.

After the credits roll, we see Uther crowning Arthur Prince of Camelot. I thought that he already wasthe prince, but an awesome Tweep let me know that it’s really not official until the ceremony. And they still do this little song and dance today. I was not aware. Have I mentioned that I love Twitter?

So anyway, Uther give Arthur a super snazzy bedazzled crown and before the applause fades, a knight on horseback in scarred black armor bursts through the stained glass window at the back of the hall because this is a BBC show, shocking everyone. Arthur and the rest of the knights draw their swords while Uther and Gaius look like they’ve seen a ghost.

The black knight throws down his gauntlet, and Arthur moves to pick it up, but before he can, Sir Owain scoops it up off the floor. The knight announces that it’ll be single combat, noon tomorrow and to the death, then calmly rides from the great hall with everyone staring after him in open-mouthed shock.

Later that evening, Merlin quizzes Gaius about the black night and asks if Gaius recognized him. In this scene, we discover that Gaius is a terrible liar. Just dreadful, really. Clearly, Gaius has a very good idea of what’s up, and it don’t think Merlin was buying it either.

Meanwhile, Morgana is trying to get Arthur to put a stop to tomorrow’s challenge demanding that Arthur either stop it or fight in Owain’s place. Arthur explains that that won’t happen because of the knight’s code. Morgana is freaked because it’s a fight to the death and Arthur isn’t thrilled about it either.

Liar-Liar-Pants Gaius rushes into the library to meet with Geoffery the castle historian and they urgently discuss the black knight. Geoffery confirms that it’s Tristan Dubois, exactly who Gaius feared it was. Gaius goes to Uther’s council room where Uther is sitting at the table with his sword out looking completely wigged out. They discuss how the knight bore the crest of Tristan Dubois and Uther says that’s impossible because he killed the man himself.

Cut to the next morning and Merlin is helping Owain dress for battle while Arthur is pacing around giving him pointers and Owain for his part is being a little cocky. He gets cockier when Gwen comes in with a token from Morgana for him to wear. Also Owain’s eyebrows are so faint that it looks like he doesn’t have any which is very disconcerting for the viewer. At least, it was for me.

They enter the arena where the black knight is already waiting and a violent fight ensues. Owain is holding his own even though the black knight is the superior warrior, but Owain gets a belly thrust in and it looks like he’s going to win. Except that it doesn’t. The black knight doesn’t even have to walk it off and shaken, Owain loses the upper hand and the knight knocks him to the ground and kills him. He immediately takes off his gauntlet and tosses it down on the ground again asks for another challenger.

Arthur leaps up, but Uther grabs his arm and stops him and in that brief pause, Sir Pelinore jumps into the ring and accepts the challenge. Arthur is pissed. Merlin makes the comment that the knight should be dead and Gaius says, “Perhaps he already is.” (Pssst, Merlin. Gaius is totally keeping info from you.)

Arthur follows his father into the castle where they argue about Uther stopping him from accepting the challenge and Uther gives him this total line of BS about letting the knights prove themselves. He knows that there’s no way to kill this dude, but he’s apparently willing to sacrifice another knight to him. In fact, he says it’s Pelinore’s fault that he’s going to die because he volunteered – not his. Hellllloooooooo, douchecanoe.

Merlin and Gaius go down to the burial chambers and discover that someone has broken out of Tristan Dubois’ crypt. Then Gaius does some handy dandy expository dialogue explaining to Merlin that Tristan was Ygraine’s brother (Arthur’s mom/Uther’s wife) and when Ygraine died in childbirth, Tristan blamed Uther and rode to the gates of Camelot to challenge him. Uther won, and cursed Camelot to suffer his return. Gaius suspects that they’re dealing with a wraith – even points out a picture of one in one of his super useful research books. Gaius says that no mortal weapon can kill it and it won’t stop until it gets what it came for – revenge.

The next morning, Pelinore is fighting the black knight and doing well. He even gets in what should have been a death blow. But it does nothing, and the black knight kills him. The knight is about to issue his challenge again when another gauntlet hits the field and Arthur challenges the knight to fight. Uther looks horrified, and the knight accepts with the favored phrase of bad guys everywhere, “So be it.”

Uther reams Arthur a new one and demands that he revoke the challenge. Arthur refuses because of the knight’s code. Uther says this is different because Arthur is crown prince. Arthur points out that there can’t be one rule for him and another for the rest of the knights. Uther forbids him to fight. And Arthur says that Uther wants him to prove he’s worthy of the throne, but he can’t do that by being a coward.

Merlin is freaking the hell out about Arthur fighting and is trying to figure out a way to save Arthur. Meanwhile the black knight is standing out in the yard, staring up at the castle, just waiting. Gaius goes to Uther to tell him that Tristan’s tomb is empty and Gaius believes he’s been conjured from the dead. Gaius tells him he can’t let Arthur fight – no weapon forged by man will kill a wraith. Gaius tells Uther that he needs to tell Arthur the truth about who the knight is. Uther says, rather petulantly, “I am the king. You can not tell me what I can or cannot do.” Uther says that no one must ever know the circumstances of Arthur’s birth and reminds Gaius that he swore an oath. Gaius leaves.

Meanwhile, Merlin tries to use some fire magic on the black knight, but it goes out and then the knight looks at Merlin and he runs. Merlin goes immediately to Arthur and begs him to pull out. Arthur refuses.

Next we see Uther drinking himself into a stupor when Nimueh appears and through some more expository dialogue we discover that the big secret surrounding Arthur’s birth is that Uther had Nimueh cast the spell that allowed Ygraine to conceive Arthur. And that magic requires a life for a life and that if Nimueh had seen the destruction of her people following Ygraine’s death, she never would have cast the spell in the first place. And Uther rather remorsefully says, I wish you hadn’t. Guilt and recriminations are a bitch.

Merlin lets himself into Geoffery’s library and Geoffery is not pleased to find him in there after hours. Merlin tells him that he’s looking for a book for Gaius that will help them find a weapon that will kill a wraith, and Geoffery tells him about an old fable involving a dragon forged sword. And Merlin gets a great idea and shows up on Gwen’s doorstep. He asks for her father’s strongest sword to save Arthur.

Morgana goes to Arthur’s room and asks him not to fight. He says it’s his duty and leaves looking all sad and dejected.

Then Uther goes to Gaius’ chambers and actually utters the words, “I’m sorry.” Wait. I’ll repeat that in case you missed it. Uther apologizes. Of course, he wants something from Gaius, but he still says he’s sorry and seems to mean it. Uther can’t let Arthur die and says that he needs to take Arthur’s place. Ygraine died for Arthur and he will, too. Once he’s dead, the wraith will leave. But Uther demands that Gaius honor his promise not to ever reveal the secret of Arthur’s birth. Gaius reluctantly agrees.

Gwen gives Merlin the sword and Merlin runs back to the castle and down into the pit to see the dragon. He asks him to burnish the sword in order to save Arthur. Dragon tells him that only Arthur can wield the sword. The dragon breaths fire on the sword and letters appear on the blade. The dragon reminds him to heed his words.

Gaius goes to Arthur’s chambers and gives him something to take the edge off his nerves. Apparently it took ALL the edges off, because it drugs him into unconsciousness. The next morning, the knight is out in the field bright and early waiting to wreak havoc while Merlin is hanging out in the armory admiring his super awesome wraith killing sword. Uther enters and admires the blade, too then tells Merlin to prepare him for battle.

Merlin says that Arthur was to fight, but Uther is all screw that – the knight’s grievance was with me, I’ll do it. So Merlin helps ready him for battle. And Uther decides that he’s going to use the dragon forged blade because it will likely make any difference. Merlin tries to talk him out of it, but typical Uther, he does what he wants. After all, he is king.

Uther acknowledges for once that Merlin is a good servant to Arthur, and tells him to look after Arthur. Uther strolls out on the field dressed for battle and looking exceptionally hot. Uther tells the wraith he can have what he came for – the father not the son. And the fight begins. Meanwhile, Arthur wakes up, drugged and headachey and quickly realizes he’s been screwed over. His door is locked from the outside and he can’t get out. He throws himself against the door repeatedly.

Uther and the wraith are still going at it. Uther knocks off the wraith’s helmet revealing his decayed face to the crowd. They fight some more and Uther eventually runs him through with the sword and the knight explodes and disappears. Uther drops the sword and the crowd goes wild.

Cut to Gaius tending Uther’s wounds and notices the fancy new sword. Then Arthur busts in looking piiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssed and gets into with his father for having him drugged. Uther says that he couldn’t risk Arthur’s life because he means more to him than the entire kingdom and more than his own life. Arthur is confused and says that he always thought he was a disappointment to Uther. Uther says that was his fault – not anything Arthur did. And we have Uther taking the blame twice in this episode. Then the heartfelt moment dissipates with the realization that they’re having a heartfelt moment.

Over supper, Gaius stares at Merlin and quizzes him about the sword. Later than night, Merlin is awakened by the dragon who wants know how everything went down. Merlin confesses that Uther used the sword and there is a dragon tantrum of epic proportion. He tells Merlin that he’s betrayed him. He has to take the sword and place it where no mortal man can ever find it. Merlin goes to the armory the next morning, sneaks the sword out and brings it to a beautiful lake and casts it in and it gracefully sinks to the bottom.

Now, for the questions!

1. If I’d written this episode, I would have have had more of an exchange between Morgana and Arthur when she goes to him and asks him not to fight. Something really seemed to be missing from that scene.

2. The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. I think the part I loved most is when Uther admits he was wrong to Nimueh and tells Arthur how much he means to him. Granted, it won’t necessarily translate into future episodes, but I appreciated it here. I also really enjoyed the exchange between Uther and Nimueh. Oh! And Duh! I really loved this treatment of the creation of Excalibur! Nicely done, writers!

I hated the fact that Uther wasn’t concerned enough about Pelinore to do shit about it.

3. Something you’ve never noticed about this episode before. When Uther was sitting alone after Owain was killed, I didn’t realize he had his sword laying on the table just waiting for someone to attack.

4. Favorite Costume. This week, I’ve gotta give it to the wraith of Tristan Dubois. That is not the armor of of a man…or an undead man…who’s fucking around.

5. Here is Proof of some random head canon I’ve created. I’ve really got nothing in this episode.

6. What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? Again, very little Merthurness in this episode. But, I’m gonna have to say when Merlin was giving Arthur the puppy dog eyes and begging him not to fight. I’m sure Jess was thinking of ways that Merlin could have convinced him…you know before Arthur pulled the sword on him.

7. What made Jen lose her shit (in a good or bad way) in this episode? In a good way, it would have to be the almost wistful smile Uther gives Gaius when they’re talking in Gaius’ chambers. And I’m guessing her ovaries probably exploded when Uther strode on to the field of battle.

You can read Jess’ recap here and Jen’s recap here! And you can join us for Merlin Club on Twitter on Monday nights at 8pm EST – #MerlinClub

Things That Make Me Stabby AKA Pet Peeves

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March 19, 2014

Oh, pet peeves…I have them. I’m pretty laid back most of the time, but there are some things that really bug me. Some are minor and no big deal and don’t affect me all that much if at all, and others infuriate me to no end and make me want to severely limit my time with people who do these things.

The Minor Ones:

Socks and sandals (or mandals, as one of my “adopted” sons calls them) – My uncle used to wear socks with his Birkenstocks all the time and it drove me insane. My adopted son did the same thing. If it’s not warm enough to wear sandals without socks, it’s not warm enough to wear sandals. The end.

People who don’t put toilet paper back on the spindle and instead leave it on the counter to fall into the sink that drips constantly. I’m convinced that this is an affliction that affects only men since I’m the only one in this house that can actually manage to change the roll properly.

When the underwire pokes through my bra – especially if it’s my favorite. I can mend a lot of things, but I’ve never found an effective way to fix this.

When companies discontinue a product I love. Most recently it was my favorite coffee creamer and my aforementioned favorite bra. Now, I’m on a Holy Grail type searches for replacements for both items. The quest is not going well.

The Important Ones:

I’m of course irritated by the biggies – bigotry, cruelty, shaming, etc, but these are some other more specific things that I’ve dealt with that just send me over the edge.

People that refuse to apologize and just pretend their shitty behavior never happened. This burns me up more than I can possibly tell you. If you do something shitty like bite someone’s head off either in person, email or phone call own it and apologize. The person you were an ass to may not call you on it, but believe me, s/he will remember. And it will affect your relationship.

People who are pathologically competitive. I’m not talking about a little professional jealousy – we all feel a twinge of it from time to time, but we still have genuine happiness for the people in question. I’m talking about the people who only feel good about themselves if they feel like they’re doing better than other people – even their friends. It doesn’t matter what it is – hobbies, business, weight loss, exercise, whatever – as long as they perceive that they’re out performing the other person, it’s fine.

The minute their friend might start to excel in an area, that person competitiveness and jealousy comes out in an ugly way.

Revisionist Historians. These are the people who even if you were both involved in an event have constructed a completely different version of what happened, and bonus! They believe it. Now, no two versions of anything will ever be identical – our perceptions color our experience of everything. I’m talking about when the actual facts change. Hell, some people change their story from telling to telling.

Condescending People. Yes, I may be a little flighty sometimes, but I’m not stupid, so don’t roll your eyes at me or talk down to me. Or anyone else for that matter. That’s just bullshit.

People who lack empathy. I’m talking about the ones that are dismissive or disdainful of other people’s worries, fears etc. because they lack an inability to put themselves in other people’s shoes and remember that not both of you have the same life experiences and therefore something that was no big deal to you might be a very big deal to them.

Soooooo…those are mine. What are some of yours?

You can find out what irks my Random Wednesday Peeps by clicking on their names.

Merlin Club: The Begining of the End or The One Where Bron Has Flashbacks to Doing Daycare for The Young Prince

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March 14, 2014

It’s that time…time for another installment Merlin Club! This week, we’re on episode 8.

This episode opens with an attractive (in that scruffy kinda way) druid and his young apprentice wandering through the open air market at Camelot. They’re accompanied by what sounds to be Tibetan throat singing. When they stop at a stall to pick up their supplies, the shopkeeper apologizes (after taking the dude’s money, of course) and looks toward the Camelot guards that are coming to arrest them. The shopkeeper sold them out.

The druid and the boy duck under the table and run through Camelot trying to escape the guards. One of the guards jumps out and slices open the boy’s arm. Eventually, the druid realizes there’s no escape. He tells the boy to run toward the castle and hide. He does, and the druid uses his super “evil” magic to close the bailey doors allowing the boy time to hide.

After the credits, we see Merlin wandering the castle halls and he hears a cry for help in his head – not unlike how he hears the dragon. He goes in search of the voice, finds the child then herds him into the castle with the guards running after him. In a fit of desperation, he busts into Morgana’s room where she’s chatting with Gwen. Morgana agrees to hide the child – at least for the moment and lies to the guards sending them on their way.

Arthur confronts Uther and points out that the druid was only in Camelot to collect supplies and that he meant no harm. Uther is having none of it. None of it, I tell you! He goes on yet another tear about how if someone has magic, their ultimate end game is the destruction of Camelot. Uther is bent over the table signing official looking documents while wearing his leather gloves – the druid’s death warrant, I’m guessing, while Arthur continues to try to reason with him. As Uther wanders away to deliver his edict, he demands that Arthur find the boy. Arthur looks super conflicted about this. I’m especially fond of this episode, because Arthur shows some real growth as a person in conjunction with his conflicting feelings about Uther’s laws.

The boy is still hiding in Morgana’s chambers while Merlin and Morgana stare out the window, listening to Uther announce the druid’s sentence. Arthur follows somewhat reluctantly. Morgana decides she can’t watch the execution and moves to comfort the boy. When the axe falls, the boy screams psychically in Merlin’s head and manages to shatter Morgana’s mirror.

At this point, the child is looking downright evil and a little possessed and very much like one of my former daycare children I used to refer to as “The Young Prince” – never within his hearing, of course. Never have you seen a more sullen, spoiled, obnoxious child… This kid would break stuff and hide it, lie about everything and smash things in fits of temper. He even took a baseball bat to his mom’s computer screen because he lost a video game. But I digress…a lot.

As Merlin moves his food around on his plate that evening, he asks Gaius what he knows about the druids. Gaius, as usual, warns Merlin against getting involved. Merlin, also as usual, lies his pants off (Jess wishes) and says he’s not, but he does cop to hearing the kid telepathically. Gaius is super intrigued. And doesn’t believe Merlin at all, by the way.

The guards are still searching the town while Merlin checks in on the boy and Morgana. Merlin and Morgana have a conversation about Uther and magic – I really like this exchange, but more on that, later. They decide, well, Morgana decides really, that they need to get the boy back to his people.

Later, we see Morgana having a creepily intimate dinner with Uther with far more food than two people could conceivably eat in a week. He’s wearing his leather gloves. While eating. Uther asks her what’s wrong, seemingly overly solicitous. Before this uncomfortable moment can get any more uncomfortable, Arthur enters and Uther quizzes him about the hunt for the druid boy and then disparages his son’s hunting skills. Arthur once again sticks up for the druids. Morgana, clearly trying to throw Uther off the scent, sticks up for Uther and things get a little tense between Arthur and Morgana.

When Merlin goes to Morgana’s room the next day to check on the boy, he finds out that the child has a fever. He decides to treat the boy himself rather than involve Gaius as Morgana urges him to do. Meanwhile, Arthur shows up to search her chambers and she harangues him about messing up her stuff and arguing with him about whether or not he should even be there. Meanwhile, Merlin is hiding with the boy behind the screen and he spots the boys’ boots out in the open. Using magic, he has the boots tiptoe over to where he’s hiding while Morgana continues to mock and goad Arthur until he gives up and leaves. He’s very susceptible to Morgana’s manipulative teasing.

Merlin goes to Gaius’ chambers and searches Gaius’ books for potential treatments for the child. Just as he’s collected all the medicines he needs, Gaius enters, sees him studying and is overjoyed and decides a lesson on anatomy is exactly what Merlin needs that very minute.

When Merlin finally gets away to treat the boy, it’s very late. The boy speaks to Merlin in his head and calls him Emrys, telling him that’s Merlin’s name among his people and then passes out again. Merlin goes down for a dragon visit and the dragon confirms that Emrys is his name. He also says that Merlin should not protect the boy, but basically flies off without telling Merlin jack.

The next morning, Gwen is begging Morgana to get some sleep and the kid’s fever is getting worse. He speaks telepathically to Morgana saying her name. Merlin comes in and she demands that he ask Gaius for his help. He goes back to Gaius and tells him that Morgana is hiding the druid boy in her chamber. Gaius lecture about harboring someone with magic and Merlin lobs that one right back at Gaius, and begs Gaius to help because the boy is dying.

Gaius goes to treat the boy. Morgana, Gwen and Merlin are in the market together and Merlin offers to take the boy out of the city through a secret door in the armory. Morgana vetoes it because it’s too dangerous and decides to do it herself. They argue a bit, but Morgana eventually wins and Merlin’s job is to get the key from Arthur to open the secret door.

After Merlin serves Arthur supper that evening, he uses magic to lift Arthur’s keys from his belt. They’re floating behind him jangling as Arthur tries to figure out what that sound is and Merlin acts like Arthur is crazy and drops the keys into Arthur’s soup as soon his back is turned. When are leaves he fishes them out.

Meanwhile, Morgana, dressed in Gwen’s clothes prepares to leave Camelot with the boy. Merlin arrives with the key and tells Morgana that the door is behind the shield at the far end of the armory. So she and the boy creep through the castle to the armory, but they make it down there and open the door. Unfortunately a servant saw someone enter the armory with a boy and the warning bell is sounded. DRINK!

Morgana meets Merlin and Gwen at Gwen’s place to grab provisions. They argue again about who should take the boy and Morgana wins again. Eventually, the soldiers capture Morgana and the boy and Arthur unmasks her, so to speak. They’re brought back to Camelot and Uther. Is. Pissed.

A furious Uther bitches out Morgana and even gets aggressive with her. I’ll be honest, this scene is positively rife with sexual tension between the two of them. Or…that could just be me due to a certain fanfic I read… Morgana tells Uther to punish her and spare the boy (again – the vibe here is very not ward/guardian) while Arthur stands silently looking increasingly uncomfortable with the whole direction everything has taken. But anyway, the boy is thrown in the dungeon and Uther demands that Arthur make arrangements to execute the child the next morning at dawn. Morgana chases Uther grabbing his arm and whipping him around while she demands to know why Uther is so full of hate. Uther turns on her, grabs her by the throat (still wearing those leather gloves) and backs her up against his throne and tells her not to speak to him until she’s ready to apologize to him for what she’s done.

Merlin is in Morgana’s room, they’re both crushed that their plan didn’t work. Morgana vows not to let the boy die and asks Merlin if she can count on his help. He agrees. Meanwhile, Arthur is trying to talk Uther out of executing the boy, suggesting alternative methods of punishment like imprisonment. But as usual, Uther isn’t budging. Arthur asks him again to spare the kid for Morgana’s sake. Uther flips out and is all, “She betrayed me.” And Arthur points out that Uther is sparing her life and Uther shoots back that he made a promise to her father, blah, blah, blah.

Uthur storms off and Arthur goes back to his room with that stunning leather coat that I covet billowing out behind him. I want that coat. Anyway, when he enters his room, he sees Morgana sitting in his chair, waiting for him. They argue about whether or not it’s too late to save the boy, and Morgana does her taunty thing again asking Arthur if this is how he’ll rule when he’s king. She then asks him to save the boy for her.

Meanwhile, Merlin is walking through the courtyard and sees the executioner sharpening his axe. He opens the door to Arthur’s room, sees Morgana and Arthur engaged in intense conversation. Arthur tells him to go muck out the stables to get rid of him, but Morgana says she trusts him, so Arthur includes him in the planning.

Merlin says it’s too dangerous for Morgana to potentially get caught a second time. Arthur agrees with Merlin. Arthur tells her she needs to go apologize to his father and dine with him telling her she won’t be suspected of helping if she’s there with him. He also decides that Merlin will take her place helping Arthur.

Merlin goes down for another dragon visit and asks why the dragon told him not to protect the boy. The dragon explains (eventually and in the most roundabout way possible) that the boy will eventually kill Arthur.

Gwen helps Morgana get ready for her apology meal, and Gwen questions whether or not this is a good idea. Morgana all trembling lips and shuddering breaths looking tearful with and stunning in a fairly cleavagey dress goes to where Uther is eating a ginormous fucking meal all by himself while wearing those leather gloves. C’mon, Uther!!! Who eats in leather gloves!? Who eats in gloves, period!?!? It just doesn’t seem sanitary. But anyway, Morgana begs his forgiveness and Uther invites her to dine with him. While staring at her boobs.

Meanwhile, Arthur knocks out the guards and breaks the boy out of the dungeon, but it’s quickly noticed that the kid isn’t in his cell. They reach the grate that they need Merlin’s help with, but he’s not there. The warning bells go off and Merlin is in his bedroom torturing himself over his decision. The boy speaks telepathically to Merlin and begs him for help. Merlin finally caves and goes to help them. He pulls the grate off the tunnel and Arthur and the boy escape into the forest on his horse. The boy ~~creepily~~prophetically promises that he’ll meet again.

A guard reports to Uther that the boy has escaped. Uther demands that the boy and his accomplices be killed. Then he threatens Morgana telling her that if he finds out she had anything to do with this, the consequences would be severe and that if she crosses him again, he’ll break the promise to her father without a second thought.

Arthur and the boy ride through the misty forest to the sounds of more Tibetanesque throat singing to meet some druids who are waiting for them. The druids are indebted to Arthur and Arthur warns them that they must never tell anyone it was him. As they’re walking back into the forest, Arthur calls after the boy and asks his name. He finally speaks aloud. His name is Mordred.

Cue gasps from all the Arthurian nerds.

Okay…the questions!

1. If I’d written this episode, I would have had Merlin follow Morgana and Mordred down to the armory and shut the secret door behind them and rehang the shield so their escape plan wouldn’t have been so damn obvious.

2. The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. This is actually one of my favorite episodes. I love the exchange between Merlin and Morgana where discussing magic and Morgana has the line, “What if magic isn’t something you choose, but something that chooses you.” I just love that line and the nonverbal communication between the two of them. As for the thing I hated, I really hated that I ended up dreaming about that daycare kid after watching this episode!

3. Something you’ve never noticed about this episode before. Merlin didn’t have his magical glowy eyes going on when he cast the spell on the boots.

4. Favorite Costume.This is not the best picture of it (or Katie McGrath,for that matter) but I love this dress. It’s far simpler than Morgana’s usual fare, but the lines are gorgeous, the color is stunning on her, and I love the necklace that goes with it. While a lot of her dresses reappear during the course of the show, I don’t think this one does – actually, I think it does, but at that point, the costumers have embellished it quite a bit.

5. Here is Proof of some random head canon I’ve created. This isn’t really head canon stuff…but the underpinnings of this argument again seem more lovers than ward/guardian.

6. What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? Merlin and Arthur contact in this episode was almost non-existent…again. (It will pick up, I promise!) But I’m going to have to say in Arthur’s chamber when Merlin was in the process of teasing him while stealing his keys. I like to think that in Jess’ head this scene ended much differently.

7. What made Jen lose her shit (in a good or bad way) in this episode? I’m going to say it’s was the fight between Morgana and Uther. That room was just full of sexual tension. Weird, creepy daddy/daughter/lovers tension.

You can read Jess’ recap here and Jen’s recap here! And you can join us for Merlin Club on Twitter on Monday nights at 8pm EST – #MerlinClub

Five things I can’t live without. Well…I could, but I’d be super crabby about it.

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March 12, 2014

We’ve got a couple new Wednesday bloggers – Tess Grant and Kellie St. James are joining us and you can check out their posts – Kellie’s is here and Tess’ is here. And Jess’ is here and Leigh’s is here.

So for the five things I can’t live without, I’m strictly sticking to things – as opposed to people or animals. Also, these are in no particular order because…they’re all important to my health and wellbeing. Okay – mostly just to my sanity. But that’s important, too.

Lip Balm – As soon as this topic came up, this was the first thing that popped into my head. Someone once told me that the definition of a lip balm addict was a person who used the entire tube before losing it. I have never lost a tube of chapstick. Never. I have had small children eat them, but that’s not the same. And like any good addict, I’ve got tubes stashed everywhere: on the nightstand next to my side of the bed, on my dresser, on my desk, in my sewing table, in the medicine cabinet I the bathroom, in the side table next to the couch, in my car and (five of them) in my purse. No…I don’t have a problem. Why would you think that? Excuse me…my lips feel a little dry.

My phone – It’s not a huge secret that I have trouble with organization. A lot of trouble. Left to my own devices, I just sort of flit from one thing to another like some sort of demented faery. With the calendar and errands apps, my phone helps to keep me organized. It also helps keep me in touch with the outside world (texting, calls, twitter facebook, word games) and it also helps me escape the outside world (kindle, pinterest) when I need to. I guess my phone is kinda like the Swiss Army knife for my brain.

Tea– I’m a huge tea drinker. Hot, cold, with honey, without – I love my tea. I’ve always loved tea, but since I gave up Coke, I love it even more. Also…I need the caffeine. Yes…this is my tea cupboard. o.O

Crafting – It doesn’t matter if it’s knitting, cross stitch or sewing (or one of a million other things) I need to be able to find time to craft every day. It’s not only relaxing and fun, it frees up my brain to think about other things like story plots. This is my current project – a hat for one of my former daycare kids…who’s not so kid-like anymore.

Lake Superior – Okay, this is a pretty big thing. 31,700 square miles of big. But it’s even bigger in a way that has nothing to do with size and everything to do with the amount of peace it brings me to wade in its icy waters and listen to its crashing waves and watch its spectacular storms. It’s quite a hike to get up there from here, but I try to make it a minimum of twice a year. I know it sounds corny to say, but this place soothes my soul like no other.

Texts from Cait – Part Fourteen or The One Where We Come Up With Creative Uses for Our Boobs

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March 9, 2014

For those of you who might be new here, Cait is my baby sister and also one of my dearest friends.

Merlin Club: The Gates of Avalon or The One Where Morgana Gets Screwed Over A Lot

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March 7, 2014

It’s time for this week’s edition of Merlin Club! Yaaaaaay!

This episode opens with Arthur in full armor sinking beneath some spectacularly lit water with a beautiful young woman watching him drown, followed quickly by Morgana waking from a nightmare looking exceptionally gorgeous and not at all like anyone I’ve ever seen wake from a nightmare. But we can’t all be as freaking gorgeous as Katie McGrath. And also acting.

After the credits, Arthur and Merlin are hunting in the woods when they hear a woman scream and they find brigands attacking an older man and a young woman. Arthur leaps into the fray and beats fights off (confession time – I actually typed beats off before I corrected it) the bad guys (Merlin helps with a magical falling branch) and Arthur takes the travelers back to Camelot where Uther agrees to take them in. Now, Uther is suspicious of literally EVERYTHING being magic – but the two very wizardy looking staffs Aulfric and Sophia are carrying don’t set off any bells? I’m so disappointed in you, Uther.

Arthur and Merlin have a discussion about where to place Sophia (the choices being in the room next to Arthur’s and across the castle) and Arthur waffles back and forth about where to put her – where he wants her (in the room next to him) or where she’d be warmest, safest, etc. (across the castle). Merlin, knowing Arthur is crushing on Sophia, convinces him that the room next door is perfect. As Merlin his putting Sophia in the room next to Arthur’s, Morgana rounds the corner sees Sophia and flips shit (quietly and regally, of course) and immediately questions Merlin about Sophia’s identity. Morgana goes to Gaius to tell her about her dream and that she feels Arthur is in danger. Gaius totally blows her off and tells her that she’s imagining things and offers her a stronger sleeping draught for her nightmares. At first the viewer thinks that Gaius is just a doddering old fool – but then he tells Morgana not to bother Uther with this. What’s up with that, Gaius – this seems a little sketch.

That evening we see one of the brigands sitting by a fire and Aulfric approaches and he apologizes for Arthur killing his buddies then he uses his super wizardy looking staff to kill him. Morgana wakes from yet another nightmare of Arthur drowning. Meanwhile, Arthur is telling Merlin he needs him to cover for him because he’s ditching the patrol with his father and the guard in favor of taking Sophia on a riding tour of Camelot. Merlin’s not down with lying to the king, but Arthur talks him into it. The end result is that Merlin cops to something that’s not his fault and ends up in the stocks being pelted with fruit and veggies.

While Arthur and Sophia are our on their walk, Sophia begins to cast a spell, but they’re interrupted by Camelot’s guard who’s out searching for the brigand’s that had attacked Sophia and Aulfirc. Arthur cuts their date short and brings her back to the castle. When Merlin explains to Gaius that it’s love at first site for Arthur, Gaius get suspicious and sneaks into Aulfric’s room. He gets caught by Aulfric checking out the wizardy staff and Aulfric is not pleased and his eyes change color.

As Sophia heads back to her room, she runs into Morgana who confronts her about her plans for Arthur. Sophia gets a little sassy and taunts Morgana about her attraction to Arthur. Sophia returns to her room and has an exposition-heavy conversation with her father about how she doesn’t want to be mortal a moment longer and he reassures her saying that once she has Arthur’s heart, the Gates of Avalon will open for them again, and they’ll be able to go home. Morgana talks to Arthur about Sophia and Arthur is Assy McAsserton to her, insinuating that she’s jealous of his affection for Sophia. Morgana says that she’s trying to protect him, then she tells him about the dream and Arthur actually laughs at her and then blows her off.

The next morning, Arthur decides to ditch a knighting ceremony – because Sophia. Merlin covers for him and ends up in the stocks getting pelted by food. Again. Cut to Arthur and Sophia running through the forest giggling. Then she turns on him and enchants him. Merlin goes back to his room covered in drying food and Gaius scolds him for helping Arthur – not because Arthur is ditching his duties, but because Sophia might not be who she says she is. Gaius tells Merlin about Morgana’s dream and that she’s a seer. And that he’d seen Aulfric’s eyes change color.

Sophia continues her enchantment of Arthur and convinces him that he needs to seek permission for them to marry. Merlin catches Aulfric sneaking out of the castle and follows him to a lake where Merlin sees the Sidhe – small, homely blue fae type creatures that rise up out of the water to talk to Aulfric. As it turns out, Aulfric is a Sidhe but he killed another of his kind and is now being punished by living in the world as a mortal. His daughter is being punished as well. Merlin, as always, almost gets caught, but manages to evade both Aulfroc and the Sidhe. The only way they can return to Avalon is to give the Sidhe a human prince’s soul. And of course, that soul is Arthur’s.

The next morning, Arthur seeks an audience with Uther and tells his father that he and Sophia are in love. There’s this bit of eyerolling when Uther looks at Morgana – almost as if Arthur’s behavior is a shared joke. You know – as if Arthur were the child and Morgana was Uther’s partner. It’s…unsettling.

When Arthur says they’re going to marry, Uther laughs and then there’s a big old standoff between him and Arthur and Uther threatens to have Sophia and her father executed if Arthur doesn’t get his shit together and show him some respect. Arthur backs down and so does Uther. Morgana follows Uther out into the hallways as he’s giving a cursory glance at some super official looking papers.Morgana tries to explain that Sophia is dangerous Uther blows her off (are we seeing a theme here?) and completely dismisses her and her concerns.

Merlin goes to Arthur’s chambers where he’s in his armor and packing his bags. Merlin tries to talk some sense into him and Arthur isn’t having it. He’s nasty and belittles Merlin. Merlin tells him he’s enchanted and intended to be a sacrifice. Aulfric and Sophia walk in and Merlin confronts them. Aulfric attacks Merlin with his super nifty wizardy staff and knocks him unconscious.

That night, Morgana looks out the window and sees Arthur riding away with Aulfric and Sophia. She runs to Gaius for help. Gaius convinces her not to tell Uther and goes off to find Merlin to fix this. He finds Merlin in Arthur’s chambers. Merlin leaves Camelot and runs endlessly through the woods.

Sophia is upset because she finds out her father can’t return to Avalon with her. But she leads Arthur into the water to sacrifice him and return home. Merlin reaches them while Aulfric chants a spell. Sophia kisses Arthur, he falls unconscious and she pushes him into the water where he does a nifty slo-mo fall to the sounds of swelling orchestral music.

He finally reaches the lake as Arthur has disappeared under the water. He sinks more slowly than you’d expect for someone wearing chain mail. Merlin magics Sophia’s discarded wizardy staff into his hands and blows up her father with its magic. He quickly does the same to Sophia. Then he races into the water to save Arthur. After a few harrowing dives, he finally finds Arthur and pulls him up to the surface.

The next scene opens with Merlin and Gaius sitting by Arthur’s bed as he finally regains consciousness and wakes with a horrible headache. They convince Arthur that Merlin knocked out Arthur with a lump of wood to keep him from eloping with Sophia. And all of this ends up with Merlin in the stocks again.

The episode closes with Morgana going to Gaius for another sleeping draught and after she leaves, Gaius basically tells Merlin that Morgana can never know that her dream was true and the fact that she’s a seer must be hidden from her at all cost. Way to make a girl feel like she’s going crazy, Gaius. I know he thinks this will protect her – but nope. Not even a little.

Okay…the questions!

1. If I’d written this episode, I’d have changed the Arthur confronting Uther scene. Actually, I would have deleted it altogether. Seriously, why do this? She’s enchanted him to leave with her so she can sacrifice him. Why have the big “Dad, you just don’t understand” scene when it serves no purpose?

2. The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. It’s weird – I remembered liking this episode more the first time around than I did this time, and I can’t think of anything I loved. There are lots of things I hated though, but the biggest is how everyone – literally everyone but Gwen discounted everything Morgana had to say and either reduced it to tricks of her mind or petty jealousy. That was for shit, people of Camelot. Okay, I guess I love that Gwen didn’t do that to her.

3. Something you’ve never noticed about this episode before. The eyeroll look Uther shoots Morgana in the aforementioned unnecessary scene.

4. Favorite Costume. Sophia’s fancy hair wins favorite costume this week.

5. Here is Proof of some random head canon I’ve created. Since my head canon involves Uther and Morgana – what the hell is going on in this episode? Morgana is sitting in the other throne at Uther’s side as if she’s his queen. Again, their conversations are as peers and not liege and ward.

6. What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? This was yet another not very Merthur-y episode – but the interplay with Merlin and Arthur discussing Sophia in the beginning – basically because Merlin is all wide eyed and flirty. It’s possible that I’m seeing subtext where’s there’s none, but I stand by it.

7. What made Jen lose her shit (in a good or bad way) in this episode? Gaius knowing exactly what’s going one with Morgana but refuses to clue her in and lies to her and attempts to drug her abilities away and make her think she’s losing it.

You can read Jess’ recap here and Jen’s recap here! And you can join us for Merlin Club on Twitter on Monday nights at 8pm EST – #MerlinClub