How much time do you have dear readers? This could go on for a while because I have issues, people. Issues.
Spiders – Okay, so most bugs wig me out, but spiders are especiallyterrifying. (Yes, I know that technically, spiders aren’t bugs, but whatever.) In my house, we call them Satan’s Snowflakes – like snowflakes, no two are alike. Each one is individually handcrafted by Satan himself.
They have all those legs and they can go anywhere.Like sometimes, you’re just sitting on the couch yawning and minding your own business and you look up and there’s a spider on the ceiling…possibly waiting to fall into your mouth as you choke on a yawn. The little bastard below was hanging in the basement by my washing machine. And that’s when I stopped doing laundry.
Dentists – Now I have had some truly horrible experiences at the dentist. Seriously, there’s nothing like hallucinating while you’re under anesthetic, but aside from that, it seriously creeps me out to have someone else’s hands in my mouth. It’s just not okay.
Clowns – I don’t know the history of these little bastards, and I don’t care. They’re disturbing as fuck, and I want nothing to do with them. Now, there’s some horrid person dressing up as a clown on Staten Island and just creeping around scaring people. WHO DOES THAT!?!?!? Here’s the story if you want to see the madness for yourself. (Story.) I’m pretty sure if I saw that dude skulking around, I’d never leave my house again.
And because clown and spiders aren’t bad enough on their own, here’s a freaking Clown Crab Spider – What. The. Actual. Fuck. Evolution!?!?!?
In addition to the above, fairly stupid, things, I’m also terrified of things something terrible happening to my kids or the rest of my family and friends – but especially my kids.
I’m also phobic about house fires and on particularly bad nights, I can’t sleep without checking the entire house multiple times.
Tornadoes are another big fear – I’ve seen several up close and personal and that was way more than I necessarily wanted to. Every time, I hear the tornado siren in the spring and summer, I kinda get a little wiggy.
These are the main ones. I’m sure there are more, but these are the ones that jumped into my head first.