Bronwyn Green

The Corner of Quirky & Kinky

songprompt4

This week’s song inspiration is Pinch Me by The Barenaked Ladies – I’d never heard the song before trying to write this blog post, but it’s here if you want to listen to it.

This is some background from an upcoming book. I have no idea if I’ll use it in the actual story, but this is what I came up with for the flash fiction.

Ivy smoothed her hand over the ridiculously full taffeta skirt of her bridesmaid dress.  Forcing her gaze to Justin’s, she  swallowed past the lump in her throat. “So what am I supposed to tell them?”

He shrugged, looking as weary and defeated as she felt. “I don’t know…the truth?”

The delicate fabric crumpled in her fists, but she quickly released it. Charlotte would flip the fuck out if one of her bridesmaids showed up tear-streaked and wrinkled. “So, you want me to say that you’re skipping out on your friends’ wedding because it’s easier to pack up your shit while I’m gone rather than have to face me again?”

“I said I was sorry.”

“You and me both,” she muttered, stalking into the bedroom and trying not to look at Justin’s suitcases half-filled on the bed.

Stopping in front of the full length mirror, she checked the damage to her skirt. The wrinkles were barely noticeable. Well, Charlotte would notice, being Charlotte and all. But whatever. She’s the one who picked this hideous dress. The color had been listed as café au lait–perfect for an autumn wedding, she’d said. But it was really more of a butterscotch. And with the full skirt and fitted bodice, that was exactly what Ivy and the rest of the girls looked like–giant butterscotch chips.

At some point, she’d have to tell Charlotte and the rest of her friends to cancel their bridesmaids dress orders, but today was not that day. She refused to be the little black raincloud over her friends’ wedding. Stepping closer to the mirror, she checked her makeup. It looked fairly decent. Her eyes were puffy, but considering she’d been up all night crying, that wasn’t a huge shock. She was lucky they weren’t swollen shut.

Her chest ached as she caught sight of the suitcases again in the mirror. This was really it. They were over. She’d like to say she’d seen it coming. That she’d been prepared for this eventuality. But considering she’d just plunked down a five hundred dollar deposit on catering yesterday, that would be a giant lie. Just like their relationship, apparently.

In a way, it would be easier if there was someone else. At least that would be concrete. Instead, all Justin could tell her was that he’d only proposed because that had seemed like the next logical step after graduation. After all, they’d been together since the second semester of their freshman year of college. Marriage had seemed inevitable.

Inevitable.

“You look nice,” he ventured from the doorway.

She met his gaze in the mirror. “Don’t. Just…don’t.”

Pulling off the engagement ring he’d given her last year, she tossed it in the closest suitcase, not really caring where it landed and grabbed the wrap that matched her dress from the back of the chair by the bed.

“You should take a coat,” he said. “It’s colder than it looks outside.”

She pushed past him. “Inside, too.”

Check out the other bloggers’ Pinch Me based stories by clicking on their names.

Jess  (Please note: Jess is having trouble with her blog again, so her story might not be up first thing this morning.)

Kris

Paige

I tend to be one of those people who’s either super chill and zen or stressed to the gills – so much so that I stress out everyone in a twenty-seven mile radius. There doesn’t seem to be any middle ground. So, if you happen to be in a twenty-seven mile radius of me when I’m stressing, I apologize profusely.

I’d like to tell you that when I’m stressed, I go for a run. Or a walk. Or maybe a meandering stroll.

*sigh*

Nope.

Often I eat. I eat the fuck out of my feelings. This is a terrible plan. And I know it. I try not to, but…some days that works out better than others.

When I’m not strapping on a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips like it’s a damn feedbag, I also do the following to relax:

Knitting – there’s something so soothing about the clicking of needles (I prefer the aluminum ones) and the slide of yarn through my fingers that relaxes me.

Sewing – it’s pretty mindless – unless I’m making something stupid and complicated or sewing with lamé fabric. (There is nothing relaxing about lamé.)

Playing with clay – this is probably my all time favorite relaxation tool. There is nothing better than sinking your hands into globs of cold, wet clay and watching it take shape under your hands. If I had access to a kiln and a wheel on a regular basis, I’d probably never be stressed.

Talking to my friends – they usually help settle my ass down. Or they panic with me. Or tough love me. I appreciate it all.

Cross stitching – I don’t do this as much anymore, but I need to pull it out again. I remember that being relaxing…

Guided imagery meditations – these are lovely when I take the time to do them. But I get caught up in that “I can’t waste time” freak out and convince myself I don’t have 30-45 minutes for one of these bad boys. But then I usually end up freaking out and wasting more time than I would have had I just done the damn meditation.

Binge watching netflix – Yeah…every once in a while, I relax by blowing off everything and binge watching an entire series. Plus side…I usually knit while I do it – so double the relaxation with some bonus productivity.

Reading – sometimes this works, but sometimes, I’m too stressed to focus and I don’t retain anything from sentence to sentence.

Sitting by a lake listening to the waves – this is the ultimate in relaxation for me. Nothing mellows me out quicker. If I can physically get to Lake Michigan or Lake Superior, I’ll watch the videos I’ve taken of the lake or listen to nature recordings.

Wandering through the woods  – it’s almost as good as sitting by the lake. It’s peaceful, and if I can find a spot where I can’t hear traffic or people, it’s amazing.

Sitting in my swing – I hate my neighborhood, but sometimes I can tune it all out and just swing in my swing, maybe read a book, have a glass of wine, or take a nap.  See? Isn’t it relaxing?

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What do you do to relax? Got any good tips for me? Also, be sure to check out the other bloggers and see what tips they have. I know I’ll be looking for more suggestions.

Jess

Jessica

Kellie

Gwen

Kris

It time for another favorite things post – this month it’s quotes. I adore quotes. Seriously love them. These are just a few of my favorites that are frequently used in daily life – some for writing, some for not-writing.

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“In this parade of stupid and dumb, I am the one twirling the flaming baton.” – Loralei Gilmore The Gilmore Girls

“Can you vague that up for me?”  – Buffy Summers Buffy the Vampire Slayer

“Not my circus. Not my monkeys.” – Polish Proverb

“Trust the story.” – Neil Gaiman

“Speak your mind even if your voice shakes.” – Maggie Kuhn

“Don’t forget – no one else sees the world quite the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories you have to tell.” – Charles deLint

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” – Peggy O’Mara

“My hope is to leave the world a little bit better than when I got here.” – Jim Henson

“Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they ell us dragons can be beaten.” – G.K. Chesterton

“A lot parents will do anything for their kids except let them be themselves.” – Banksy

“You are the best kind of fucked up.” – Jenny Lawson

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.”  – W.B. Yeats

“I am and will always be the optimist, the hoper of far flung hopes and the dreamer of improbably dreams.” – The Doctor Doctor Who

“You have no power over me.” – Sarah  Labyrinth

“He had noticed that events were cowards: they didn’t occur singularly, but instead they would run in packs and leap out at him all at once.” – Neil Gaiman Neverwhere

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” – Maya Angelou

“Isn’t this enough? Just this world? Just this beautiful, complex, wonderfully unfathomable, natural world? How does it so fail to hold our attention that we have to diminish it with the invention of cheap, man-made Myths and Monsters?” Tim Minchin Storm

“We were the people who were not in the papers. We lived in the blank white spaces at the edge of the print. It gave us more freedom. We lived in the gaps between the stories.” – Margaret Atwood The Handmaid’s Tale

“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.” Linda Wooten

“The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math.” – Unknown

What are some of your favorite quotes? Share! Also, click the names below to see what quotes the other Wednesday Random bloggers are fond of.

Jess

Jessica

Kellie

Kayleigh

Gwen

Kris

Paige

 

 

photoprompt

 

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Holding the shoebox full of letters, I walked barefoot through the dew-damp grass toward the fire pit where a blaze already crackled and sat in one of the lawn chairs near the circle of stones.

“Hey, Hannah…you here? It’s me.”

I pulled the lid off the shoebox and tossed it into the flames, watching the cardboard shrivel and curl in on itself.

“Anyway,” I began again. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” My throat thickened, but I swallowed and pushed on, unfolding the first letter in the box. “I didn’t understand what you were trying to tell me.”

Leaning forward, I held the note over the crackling branches. Hannah’s handwriting, loopy, purple words shone brightly against the backlit paper. As I turned the letter, the flames caught along the edges, and I lifted it up and let the breeze take the burning page from my hand. I watched as the wind carried it toward the tree line at the far end of the property, hoping I wasn’t going to inadvertently start a forest fire. But it flared out, the light disappearing into the night sky.

I unfolded the next letter and did the same thing, watching as the sparks faded then turned to black as if vanishing among the stars.

“I remember the first time I got one of these–one of your notes, I mean. I couldn’t believe your mom had taken away your phone. When I hadn’t heard back from any of my texts, I thought you were mad at me and just refusing to talk. I thought maybe you were even breaking up with me. I felt kinda stupid when I realized that wasn’t it at all.”

The next burning note lifted from my hands and swirled a bit over my head before winking and going out.

“I’m so sorry.” This time, I couldn’t force away the tears, and they spilled hot down my cheeks, my throat and nose stinging with the force of the sudden bout of sobbing. I didn’t know how much of this was my fault, how much was hers and how much was her mother’s. I just knew that I’d failed her in most profound way it was possible to fail another person. I’d failed her, and no matter what I did or said now, nothing was going to change.

I unfolded the next letter reading it in the dancing light of the fire pit. This was the one where she’d told me that she hadn’t thought it was possible to love a girl until she’d met me. But she’d also said that her mother planned to send her away to some sort of inpatient counseling program, and she had no idea how long she’d be gone, and that she’d understand that I wanted to see other girls. When I’d responded, I’d told her that everything was going to work out. I told her that no matter how long it took, I’d wait for her. And I did. I waited for what seemed like forever.

Taking the last letter from the box, I slowly unfolded it. It was short. Shorter than the others. Instead of the big, loopy script I’d been accustomed to, this was tight, folding in on itself, pressed so hard into the page, it felt like a kind of braille through the back of the paper. It was still her handwriting, but it was clear that something had changed, and I couldn’t even write back to find out what. When she’d gone into treatment, there had been no forwarding address, no phone number to try to reach her, her cell phone had been shut off for months. Other than this brief note, it was as if she’d never existed.

Instead of her usual promise to see me soon, it just read:

I love you, Sarah. Never forget that. I’m sorry that things couldn’t be different. 

My mom and I tried to go to her funeral. But her brothers refused to let us into the church. So I’m saying goodbye the only way I know how. Setting this last little bit of her free. My mom suggested that I might want to keep the letters, but I can’t. Hanging on to them makes it feel like I’m hanging on to her pain. Keeping it alive somehow even though she’s not here to feel it.

I held last over the flames then let the breeze take it up and away from me. As I watched the flames consume it, for the briefest of moments, the center of the page formed a heart before it was finally swallowed by the night.

 

Check out the other bloggers’ stories!

Jess

Jessica

Kayleigh

Kris

Kellie

Last week Thursday, my girl, Jess Jarman, and I traveled to Texas. Jenny Trout was supposed to come, but she was sick as hell, so it was just me and Jess. There were a crap ton of delays on the way there, and we finally got to the hotel sometime after midnight. We were starving because we hadn’t eaten anything other than that almonds that she cleverly packed for the plane so we ordered room service. While we were waiting for the food to arrive, I kept staring at this picture on the wall in our room.

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And the following conversation happened:

Me: Huh. A sex toy. That’s a bold art choice for a hotel room.

Jess: *looks at me incredulously* That’s a spur. *more looks* We’re in Texas.

Me: Oh. Well that makes more sense, doesn’t it?

What? I was really, really tired. And hungry.

The next day was full of rain, but we got to catch up with friends and the awesome Heather Newbury Almendarez took author photos of me and Jess. I can’t wait to see them! We had to squeeze them in around the never ending rain in Austin.

The meet and greet was Friday evening and the book signing was Saturday. I got to hang with a bunch of my favorite people, meet some new favorite people and sell a bunch of books. Here’s a few pictures before the signing started.

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After the signing, we went out for food… (yay food!)

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After that was the karaoke party where Jess injured herself pre-gaming. We bought some adult apple juice then realized they weren’t the twist-off caps. So we called down to the front desk for a bottle opener. However…they sent us a corkscrew. But Jess, being the enterprising person that she is made it work.

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I put on my brave-girl pants and sang Adele’s Rumour Has It. I think it went pretty well. And fellow blogger, Paige Prince, sang all the songs and rocked it!

One of the highlights was discovering that the suite next door, the one that connected to our room, was the room of a couple of our friends. One evening Jess and I came back from visiting with other friends and low and behold, the doors between our rooms were open. We crept through and I said that I felt like I’d just walked on to the set of a porno. Jess immediately yelled “Porn Portal!” and things were never the same again. But seriously…look at this place.

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Other highlights of the trip include reading “Go the Fuck to Sleep” to our Porn Portal roomie, Joanna, as a bedtime story, followed by reciting “Where the Wild Things Are” from memory. Having the power go out in the hotel and climbing down seven flights of stairs during a tornado warning only to discover flooding at the bottom of the first floor stairs. Going out to eat, laughing our asses off, laughing so hard I got multiple asthma attacks, seeing people I don’t get to see nearly often enough, getting lost with Paige because neither of us have any sense of direction, Dwarven Erotica, not having the shuttle service show up and dealing with the surly replacement cab driver who wants to be Michael Crichton while verbally pissing on our chosen genres, having my skirt rip and show my ass at the airport, this sweet little peg-leg bird with only one foot inside the airport and me having a Will Graham moment.

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Jess’ take on our trip is here.

Trigger Warning: This post deals with infant death, grief and loss.

I would like to say the most difficult thing I’ve ever written was any of the books I’d completed – like my recent forays into different-for-me genres, but I’d be a big fat liar. The hardest thing I’ve ever written was a poem.

Before writing it, it had been years since I’d written anything. I’d had some success in college with short fiction and poetry, winning several awards, and I graduated planning to do great things with my writing. Instead, I let fear and insecurity devour my desire to create until wanting to write turned into that thing that I’d do “someday”. But in a way, I didn’t really believe that I’d ever go back to it. I wasn’t good enough to do it in the real world. So, I let that dream fade away a little more every year.

On March 4th, 1998, my nephew, Zane died of SIDs.

My brother called the evening of March 4th, while I was in the middle of putting the kids to bed. Before he’d gotten a word out, I asked if I could call him back when I was done with bedtime songs. Instead of answering me, he blurted, “Zane’s dead.”

There’s very much a before and after portion of my life. The before portion is blissfully naive. The after portion is viewed through a lens that’s clouded with grief and anger and general disbelief.  Those two words were the dividing point between before and after. Those two words are the wall between happiness and grief and guilt. Those two words changed everything.

On March 5th, 1998, I woke up and said to my husband, “Oh my god, I had the worst dream.”  When I saw the look on his face I fell apart all over again. Or maybe it was still. I’m not sure.

Later on March 5th, my brother called and we talked and cried some more. He asked me if I’d write something for Zane. If I’d write a poem for him to be read at the funeral. How could I say yes? How could I possibly string together any words to sum up the life of this beautiful child? How could I possibly tell my sweet, baby brother no?

I couldn’t.

We feel so helpless when someone we love dies. We feel more helpless when someone we love is in pain because someone they love more than life has died. We all tell the grieving, please tell me what I can do to help. And when they tell you what they need, you do it. Because how can you not?

I was terrified to try to put words to this child – to this beautiful, blue-eyed boy with the the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen. I was afraid I couldn’t do justice to him or the memories that we were left with. But I tried.

It gutted me while I was writing it. It gutted me to stand up at the funeral and read it to the family and friends that had gathered. It still guts me when I see a portion of the verse that’s been carved into a stone that’s part of a Michigan SIDs memorial garden. It guts me every June 30th and every March 4th.

I don’t read the poem. I’m not sure I’ve read it since I read it aloud at Zane’s funeral. But it remains the hardest thing I’ve ever written. And I hope that I never have cause to write anything harder than this. I hope no one does.

For the other Wednesday Random bloggers’ takes on this subject, please click the names below.

Jess

Kellie

Jessica

Gwen

Kris

songprompt4

It’s time for another song-inspired flash fiction, and I have the feeling that everyone is going to hate me for picking this song, because it’s depressing as fuck. But whatever. I like songs that are depressing as fuck. This one is called Family by Noah Gundersen. Here’s the link if you want to hear it. And here’s a link to the lyrics.

 

“Beer me.”

I stared at my brother, Michael. “Seriously. You’re pre-gaming? This is a family reunion—not a high school football game.”

“Gonna drink until I’m happy to be here.”

Handing him a can of beer, I said, “In that case you might as well just shotgun that entire cooler, lay down and let alcohol poisoning do its work.”

He actually had the decency to look chastised but ruined it by adding, “What? It’s not like you want to be here, either.”

Swallowing back the tears I refused to cry, I turned back to the counter and chopped potatoes that were still too hot from having recently been boiled. “Look, either make yourself useful in here, or go find somewhere else to drink.”

He pushed off the doorframe he was leaning against, and set the can on the counter. “What do you want me to do?”

I don’t know. Stop being a selfish prick? Grow up already? I shoved a cutting board and paring knife his way. “Chop the celery.”

Sighing, he set his beer can down on the counter and grabbed the knife.

“Dude.” I nodded toward the sink.

Rolling his eyes, he washed his hands then began slowly, methodically chopping, as if he was forcing his hands to do things they usually didn’t.

We both stared at his hands. Or maybe he stared at the knife slicing through the stiff, green vegetable flesh, and I stared at his hands—the bruised and scabbed over knuckles, the scar that curved from the base of his thumb to the back of his hand. The one I’d found him trying to stitch with sewing thread by himself in the middle of the night when I was fifteen or sixteen.

He’d needed to go to the hospital, but he refused. He’d been too drunk to finish the job—and even if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have been able to hold the skin together and stitch it at the same time. So I’d stitched it for him, trying not to vomit while trying not to let him bleed on my pajamas. Neither had been easy. When we were done, I’d put some antibiotic ointment and gauze on it and sent him to bed. I’d covered for him in the morning, too. I still wasn’t sure why I’d done that. Just like I wasn’t sure why I kept giving him chance after chance to break my heart.

I guess I hoped that one day he’d go back to being the brother I remembered. The one who was genuinely happy to see me. Who used to laugh at my jokes. Who used to tell me that everything would be okay and mean it.

Of course, I wanted those same things from my husband, too. And I was just as likely to get them. I blinked rapidly, trying to clear the sudden stinging in my eyes.

“You okay, brat?”

I looked away from his hands and back to the potatoes that were continuing to burn mine. “Yep. I’m good.”

“It’s been a while, but you’re still the shittiest liar I’ve ever seen.”

I didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything to say. I just kept cutting potatoes into the giant, yellow Tupperware bowl, refusing to look at him.

Pulling the knife from my hand, he tugged me into his arms. I stood stiffly, until he smoothed his rough hand over the top of my head. For just a minute, I sank gratefully into his embrace, resting my head against his shoulder…missing him more than ever.

 

Well, that’s it for my attempt at flash fiction today. Click on the names of the other bloggers and see what they came up with.

Jess (Technical Note: Jess is having issues withe the blog again. Her post might be up later.)

Kris

Gwen

On Wednesday, the Wednesday Random bloggers posted three truths and a lie.

Mine were:

1.) We lived in a commune after my parents got divorced.

Lie: But it was close. My mom was seriously considering a commune. She ended up moving us into a trailer park near the college she attended, instead. Which, to be fair, was also full of a lot of hippies, students, and hippie-students. So, it was kinda like a commune.

2.) I learned to drive on an Allis Chalmers tractor.

Truth: Both sets of grandparents had farms. One was a small sustenance farm, and the other was a working dairy farm which involved a lot of haying in the summer. Which meant I got to learn to drive the tractor while everyone else tossed bales on the wagon.

3.) Touching (sometimes even thinking about) wet paper makes me gag.

Truth: There are very few crafts I’ve ever met that I didn’t like. Paper maché is one of them. I don’t know what it is about wet paper that makes me gag, but *full body shudder* I just can’t deal with it. And people chewing/eating paper? Insta-vom.

4.) My dad once won me a horse in a poker game.

Truth: We didn’t have Lucky (her hand-me-down name) to terribly long, but she was a sweet, very, very old horse. I used to ride her bareback. Apparently, the previous owner hadn’t included a saddle  in the bet.

So…Kel and Kris were both right. 🙂

Here are Jess and Jessica’s reveals.

 

Okay, so this week we’re playing a round of three truths and a lie. And if you guess right in the comments, you can win an ebook copy of one of my books. I’ll be posting the answer on Friday.

 

1.) We lived in a commune after my parents got divorced.

2.) I learned to drive on an Allis Chalmers tractor.

3.) Touching (sometimes even thinking about) wet paper makes me gag.

4.) My dad once won me a horse in a poker game.

 

Be sure to click the other bloggers links to check out their truths and lie.

Jess

Kris

Jessica

Kellie

Gwen