Bronwyn Green

The Corner of Quirky & Kinky

So, I attempted to put the creamer back in the fridge.

It didn’t go well.

I knocked the vat of salsa off the top shelf. Then when I was bending over to pick it up, the creamer bottle fell out, bounced off my head and hit the floor. The flip-top lid broke and creamer spewed everywhere. Brand new bottle, of course.

I sopped it up with a towel then bent over to clean up the mess with a washrag. I slipped a little on the wet floor and caught myself on the fridge door where I managed to simultaneously push the water and ice dispenser levers.

I managed to shoot freezing cold water in my left ear and catch chunks of ice behind the lens of my glasses.

You understand why I was moderately surprised by the lack of sitcom laugh track.

Almost 19 years ago, Herne was born – conveniently on my friend Merry’s birthday who’d taken in Herne’s very pregnant mama. He was the runt of a litter of five – and by far the prettiest of the bunch, though I’m guessing Mer would disagree since she kept his brother Casey.

When he was a kitten we called him Circus Cat. He’d do amazing midair flips when we’d play with him with ribbons and other toys. He played fetch with puff balls and he’d go to the basement every night and drag three or four dirty socks from the laundry bin, all the way up two flights of stairs to lay them at the foot of our bed. He was so tiny that the socks were bigger than he was. He earned the nickname Herne the Hunter for that. We also called him Bunny Boy because he had fur as soft as any rabbit.

Herne has always been a mama’s boy. He snuggles with me no matter where I am and especially likes to help me write by laying on my keyboard or my arms or my chest while I’m trying to work, contentedly purring the whole time.

Over the last couple years, he’s been sleepier and weaker. He’s gone deaf and blind. He navigates the house using the perimeter of the room and what we affectionately refer to as Kitty Sonar. It involves Herne yowling loudly as he wanders around. He’d always make himself known to whoever was on the phone with me, meowing loudly into the mouthpiece. It’s an obnoxious sound, but it’s one I’m going to miss.

Herne had a stroke today. One minute he was sleeping by me on the couch and the next he was spinning in horrifyingly endless circles, stopping only when the right side of his body would give way. Then, he’d claw to his feet and repeat motions looking more and more confused.

I held him and he snuggled into me and purred, but when he got restless, the same cycle would start again. They boys and I took turns keeping him calm until Matt got home and we took him to the vet.

We ended up having to put him down tonight. I miss him so much already.













I’m sure you’ve all seen those trendy stick people family bumper stickers. The school parking lots are full of them at my kids’ schools. They’re almost always on minivans and SUVs. As a side note, I swear the bulk of the SUVs and minivans in West Michigan are at these two schools. But I digress.

Anyway, I don’t have a problem with these stickers (except when the first and last names of the children are on there – that seems like a terrible idea) but it gets a little old after a while. Plus, I’m always stuck behind them in line, and that just makes me crabby, anyway.

However, last week I saw a family sticker that delighted me to no end. I was at the grocery store and parked right next to me was this SUV…sporting the Star Wars Rebel Alliance symbols. I almost wanted to go back into the store, find them and high five them. But stalking, no matter how well intentioned, is never cool. Also it was real cold and starting to snow. But whoever these people are, I adore them.

Love the Obi Wan bumper sticker, too! These are my people. 😉


Remember the Bromance conversation? Well, there’s more.

After school, a new kid headed toward the car with Killian, Justin and Not-Kevin. He was pretty tall, carried a guitar slung over his shoulder and had the biggest afro I’ve ever seen outside of the 70s. It was kind of mesmerizing really. His mousy brown hair billowed in the wind, at least six inches above his pasty, scruffy face. They all piled into the car with the new kid in the middle of the backseat.

Me: Um…hi.

New Kid: Hi.

Justin: This broski here is Cory.

Me: Hey Cory. Nice to meet you.

Cory: (nodding, his massive hair bouncing back and forth) Likewise.

Killian: Yeah. Bromigo is gonna teach us how to read guitar tabs, so we can actually play.

Not-Kevin: And start a band.

Me: Sweet. Okay, where to then?

Justin: (nods toward Not-Kevin) Over at Brobama’s.

Me: All righty.

I go to back out and look in my rearview mirror. All I can see is Cory’s downy soft fro. Hitting the ceiling of my car.

Me: Soooooo, Cory, you’re gonna need to duck your head so I can back out.

He scootches down in his seat. His hair is still blocking my entire line of vision.

Me: Uh…yeah. That’s not really working for me. I hate to say it, but you’re gonna have to hold it down. Sorry about that.

Cory: No problem. Happens all the time.

Not-Kevin (nodding sagely) And that’s why we call him Fro-bro Baggins.

And I still couldn’t back out because I was laughing too damn hard.

*WARNING: Whiny post ahead. Proceed at your own risk.*

I can’t focus for crap.

I flit from one thing to another like a particularly disinterested toddler.

It’s a struggle to finish anything.

I’m exhausted and achy.

I think I have the January Blahs.

I’ve got stuff to do. Anybody have any suggestions for getting rid of this crap?

It’s getting really old.

*End Whine*

Many of you know that I’ve been working on what I’ve affectionately dubbed The Stocking of Doom for my new sister-in-law. It’s not a secret that I’m not a fan of pink…or orange, but Anne is. She wanted a fairy in those colors and she wanted it to look more like her with a darker skin tone – more Native American.

I’m here to tell you that DMC doesn’t give a lot of floss options when it comes to non-caucasian skin tone, so…I did the best I could. But in the meanwhile, hey DMC – how about more variety, please?

So this is my color palette, including the backing fabric. You can scroll down to see the progress and the finished stocking. I’d forgotten how fun it is to use seed beads and bugle beads on a project. I’ll probably be doing that again in the relatively near future.

Now everyone in the family has his/her own stockings and all is right with my world. This is number 17. Whew!

























My friend Kim Dare’s mom is made of awesome. Let me show you why. She made me an adorable Christmas elf doll for me! Then she decided that the elf doll (who still needs a name) might be lonely on her trip to the States from Wales, so she crocheted her a Welsh elf in traditional Welsh costume right down the the leek! Since my Gram was from Wales, I’ve had a lot of Welsh dolls over the years – this one is my favorite! 🙂



After she made these dolls, she made one for Kim. A little BDSM elf doll. His name is Switchy and he’s adorable! Go here and take a peek – and also be in awe of her mom! She clearly rocks!

So, I had a book release a couple weeks ago and I forgot to mention it, ’cause I’ve been busy and I suck a little. Turns out that I have another one coming out today, so I thought it might be a good idea to post about them.

Also, I’m procrastinating because I don’t feel like making the metric fuck-ton of cookies required from me this weekend.

Two for the Shrew, part of the As We Like It collection is out from Resplendence Publishing. All of the books are re-imaginings of Shakespeare’s classic plays.

Advertising executives, John Petruchio and Simon Verona have been awarded the account of a lifetime—the vitamin and supplement empire, Minola Essentials. But what they really want is the delectable but shrewish CEO, Catherine Minola.

Catherine is the queen of her company, so when her retired father hires an ad agency without telling her, she’s less than thrilled. Even more so when she realizes the two men she’s never quite gotten out of her system are back and they’re not shy about making up for lost time.

She thinks a no-strings fling might be just what she needs, but they have other plans.

Today at Passion in Print, I have a holiday story out. It’s called Unexpected Gifts.

Feeling sorry for herself, Cassie Williams plays sick to skip out of her family’s Christmas Eve gathering. She loves her family, but on the heels of a divorce and her ex’s new engagement, an evening of togetherness is the last thing she wants.

Long-time friend, Sam MacLane has been in love with Cassie for years, and he isn’t about to let her have her pity party. There’s a blizzard on the way, and Sam shows up on her doorstep—bearing gifts….

Damn…that didn’t waste as much time as I’d hoped. Guess I’d better make those cookies. And the green bean casserole. Again.

Okay, so this episode of Texts from Cait requires a little set-up.

Our mom is the most absent minded of absent minded professors. She’s a brilliant woman, but easily distracted. Once, she accidentally washed a load of laundry with syrup because she had that in her hand when she wandered into the laundry room. She loses her glasses while they’re on her face and her keys while they’re in her hand. She’s driven off more times than I can count with a cup of tea (or her purse) on the roof of the car. Sometimes, I’ll come home to discover that she’s stopped by and my jug of milk is in my cupboard. This is just the one we have. So the following really shouldn’t have been a surprise.

(The first part of this is Cait relaying a conversation with mom.)