Bronwyn Green

The Corner of Quirky & Kinky

So this week, we’re tackling questions like whether or not we believe in the existence of things like soul mates or love at first sight.

Let’s start with the concept of love at first sight. The short answer is: nope.

The slightly longer answer is that I totally think that lust at first sight is totally a thing – but not love. I think you can have a strong connection with someone you’ve just met. Certainly enough of a connection want to get to know them better or to find a convenient place to have sexy times. But I also don’t believe that sex = love. I believe that love is more of a gradual process. Attraction can be instantaneous, but love requires more time to get to know someone. It also requires discovering their faults and realizing that the positive outweighs the negative.

Next up is Soul Mates. Now, I guess this one depends on your definition of the idea of soul mates, but going with the common idea of there’s exactly one perfectly perfect person out there for everyone. Short answer: Nope.

The slightly longer answer for this one is that I think there are plenty of people out there that we can love deeply and truly and have that love returned. I don’t think there’s only one person and one person only. And I also don’t think the idea of soul mates is strictly reserved for romantic love. I think friends can have that sort of soul-deep connection, too.

The even longer answer is that I do believe in the idea of past lives and soul mates in that sense of the term. (Yes, I know. Crunchy Granola Hippie Alert!) But, I think that we often reincarnate with the same group of souls because we’re all learning and figuring out our shit together. And for me that’s the more accurate definition of soul mate rather than one person for everyone.

And lastly, is Fate and Destiny. Again with the short answer: Nope.

Often you hear that phrase, “(wasn’t) meant to be” and, hell, I’m guilty of saying it myself. I think “(wasn’t) meant to be” is a more of a platitude than anything else. We say it when things don’t work out the way we’d like to comfort ourselves. We say it when things do work out because we wanted to believe that there’s some order in the universe and that something was fated or destined to work out in a certain way.

But I believe we all have that nifty little thing called freewill. And having freewill and exercising it means we can affect the outcome of events in our lives. And yes, some things are out of our control, and a lot of those things aren’t great – debilitating diseases, accidents, random acts of violence, but that doesn’t mean they’re fated to happen. I don’t believe we’re all wandering around, acting out the pre-written script for our lives.

For instance, I don’t believe that today was the day that I was fated to step in cat puke and nearly fall down the basement stairs. Had I put on my damn glasses so I could see where I was going, I would have avoided the pile of pukiness. But instead, I exercised my freewill and walked down the stairs blind because I was too lazy and tired and chose not to put on my glasses.

So…super short answer to all of these mysteries of the universe: Nope.

What are your thoughts on any of the above topics? I’d love to hear them! And check out the other bloggers’ thoughts on the topics by clicking on their names.

Jess

Jessica

Kris

Gwen

0 thoughts on “Soul Mates? Love at First Sight? Fate? Destiny? – Taking on the big questions. Or perhaps just rambling incoherently. You be the judge.

  1. Gwen Cease says:

    Like minds about the whole idea of reincarnation and core group of people. 🙂 I just think we’re too amazing to only get one chance to get it right. And who gets anything right the first time around? Awesome post!

    1. Bronwyn says:

      It just makes sense, you know? And thanks!

  2. Kris Norris says:

    OMG… people. Am I the only hopeful romantic left? I’ll stick to my guns that love at first sight exists…like I said on Jess’…even if it’s just w.r.t. kids. And that love is unconditional and undying. See….I can put a swing on it…

    1. Bronwyn says:

      You know what? I do believe in love at first sight with kids. Absolutely. Just not romantic partners. But kids? Hell, yeah.

  3. I’m with you on the lust not love at first site. And about the soul mates. Exactly with you actually.
    The fate/destiny thing I’m a little more middle of the road. I do believe things happen for a reason. Yes we have free will and we chose things and there are consequences both good and bad for those choices but I do think some things are predestined to happen but your choices leading up to and after decide the next path for you. I am not sure I’m making sense with that so I’ll just say I believe in both free will and a little destiny/fate 😉

    1. Bronwyn says:

      You know…I got thinking after I posted that, and yeah, I do thin some things are meant to happen – at least, certain opportunities and what you do with them is what you do with them. 🙂

  4. Pansy Petal says:

    Wow! Such insight! Such profoundness! Such . . . Well okay – “it was just meant to be!” You are amazing! 😉 Enjoyed your thoughts on these most weighty issues. I agree – mostly. That fate/destiny vs free will one? It tends to be so circular for me. Yes, it was free will that you chose not to wear your glasses, but was it fate that had the slippery stuff there at that moment? See? Circular. But guess that is why it is such a weighty issue. 😛 Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    1. Bronwyn says:

      I was just telling Missy that I do think there’s some element of opportunities and events presenting themselves and it’s what you do with them that matters. It really is pretty circular. And thank you for coming and commenting! 😀

  5. I was going to say I really liked your reincarnated soul idea but then I got to the puke story and I hate you so hard right now.

    Ugh.

    WHY THAT STORY?

    1. Bronwyn says:

      I looooooooooovvvvvveeee yoooouuuuu, Jessicaaaaaaaa. I’m sorry I brought cat puke into our friendship. I dunno why…probably ’cause it had just happened and it was in my head. I shall endeavor to make future posts free of disgusting things. Or, I’ll post a warning for you at the beginning.

  6. Nellie says:

    As a teenager I believed in love at first sight and I guess most of us did. But love really needs care and time.

    1. Bronwyn says:

      I agree, Nellie! And this is coming from a woman who fell in love with her husband when she was 15. 😉

  7. I love this post! I agree with almost all of it, although I’m afraid I don’t have any spiritual beliefs at all. I pretty much think you’re born, you live, you die and then nothing else happens because you’re dead. That has been known to make other people sad for me, because it sounds kind of bleak, but I find it inspiring in a “get what you can out of life because it’s your only chance” kind of way. But I definitely love the idea of having a kind of “soul group”, like you believe in.

    My take on things that are “(not) meant to be” in terms of relationships (or even friendships) is that if two people are really a good match for each other, they’ll be able to work through whatever problems their relationship has – primarily because they’ll really, really want to. In my experience, parting ways with someone can feel wrong and unfair at the time but I always realise eventually that it was the right choice, even if I wasn’t the one who made it. So I definitely think that a relationship can be “destined” for failure or success but, for me, that’s determined by the people in it, not any kind of higher power.

    I think the plausibility of “love at first sight” depends on what you mean by “love”. There’s kind of a spectrum that goes from “initial spark of attraction” to “deep and abiding respect, friendship and affection” and I think everyone would mark the threshold for “love” in a different place. If you put that mark down at the “initial attraction” end then yes, you probably can fall in love at first sight. And that’s perfectly okay. But, for me personally, I agree with you about the importance of weighing a person’s faults against their good points, and you can’t do that by locking eyes with a hot stranger.

    Sorry to hear about the cat puke.

    1. Bronwyn says:

      I like your take on “not meant to be”. Quite a lot, actually. The people involved really do determine the outcome. At the same time, I’ve met people I’ve really clicked with and had the thought that we were meant to meet – even though I know, logically, we didn’t really have any control over meeting or not meeting. So I don’t even know where that fits in to this whole thing. Of course, it may be too early for deep thoughts for me, this morning… 😉 Thanks about the cat puke. (which may be the weirdest sentence I’ve ever typed.) It’s my lot in life. 😉

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