So, this week’s assignment was to rewrite an old blog post from the point of view of one of my characters. And since I’m the only one blogging from the group this week, I’m writing it from several other points of view…cause I do what I want. Or something like that.
First off, it was hard to even pick a post that could be rewritten from a character’s POV. (Memo to us for next year: Let’s skip this sort of post. They’re a pain in the ass.) So, anyway, I picked The Five Biggest Writing Distractions, because holy hell, distractions abound right now. Like my kid’s senior project, purging the house, a graduation party to plan – I really hate hosting parties. I don’t mind going, but the hosting…even the idea of it makes me break out in hives, and I–
Will: Hives? Over a party? Seriously? Quit yer bitching. I’ve been in the same place in this manuscript for months. You just left me here – feeling like an utter arsehole over Ivy and not being able to do a damn thing about it. Why? Because you’re about to shove me in an MRI tube. Which I fucking hate, thank you, very much. But you knew that I was claustrophobic, didn’t you? But you go ahead and worry about that party. Oh, and don’t even think about about checking Twitter. God damn it, Bronwyn, did you just…?
Rory: Of course she did. Not only did she check Twitter, but she sent a couple tweets and pinned several recipes to Pinterest.
Me: Oh, both of you can fuck right off. I’m trying to find healthy meals I can get the fam to eat. And also find recipes for this party. And what are you even doing here anyway, Rory? Your book is done. Besides, you two don’t even know each other.
Rory: We live in your head – practically roommates. Anyway, we’re gonna notice when you leave us hanging for weeks while you’re “looking for inspiration on Tumblr”.
Me: Excuse me, but did you just use air quotes at me?
Will: And while we’re at it, about about we discuss your frequent checking of Facebook. Just because it dings, you don’t need to flip over to that tab to look at it.
Harper: Right?! What are you – Pavlov’s dog?
Me: Et, tu, Harper?
Harper: You left me fighting a vampire queen and I was almost under her thrall and Elliot almost died while you wandered off to check social media. Not. Cool.
Me: I wouldn’t let Elliot die. I know you love him.
Tristan: Oh, I know, let’s talk about how you left me hovering on the verge of an orgasm for days because you couldn’t be arsed to give a girl a little satisfaction. Nope. The only thing that mattered to you was your damn sewing machine.
Me: Christmas presents! I was making Christmas presents! For small children!
Me: Anyone else have anything to bitch about while we’re here?
Declan: How about your stress levels?
Me: What about them, professor?
Declan: Well, when you get stressed, if you don’t stop writing altogether, you rewrite things endlessly. And while I enjoy spending as much time with Josie as I can, let’s just say that sometimes things start to…chafe.
Will: Wait. Is that what Ivy and I have to look forward to? Chafing?
Me: If you don’t stop being a jerk…perhaps. Party planning is stressful, Will. Remember that.
Josie: Let’s not forget her ADD. There are days that she makes an overtired toddler look focused.
Me: Hey, now…uncalled for.
Harper: And yet, so true.
Will: Look, just promise me that no matter how stressed and distracted you get while you’re writing that MRI scene, you won’t leave me in that tube for any longer than absolutely necessary. I’ll lose it in there.
Me: Okay. I promise. I won’t look at anything until that scene is done. Happy?
Elliot: I’ll believe it when I see it.
Me: Aaaaaaand there he is. I was wondering if you were going to show.
Tristan: Just be happy Morgan and Jamie didn’t show up. I feel like they’d have plenty to add about your writing distractions.
Me: Yeah…I vaguely remember leaving them in some unfortunate situations. On that note, I think it’s time for me to go to bed.