Okay, so Octavian’s army beat Antony’s and now Octavian heads to Cicero and demands a Triumph. Cicero is like “Nah…” so Octavian is like “Fine, then appoint me as the consul. I promise to listen to all your super worldly advice.” You can practically see him making “innocent eyes” at Cicero. Cicero is like, “Fine, but as long as you behave.” One of Cicero’s pals is all, “Seriously? This seems like a terrible idea.” But Cicero basically says, “He’s a child. What’s he gonna do?”
Here’s a pro tip, Cicero: Never ever ask that question. Because you will find out.
Meanwhile, Pullo and Vorenus are headed back to Rome with the rescued kids. And Vorena the Elder looks like she wants to make a break for it at one point, but the the littles talk her out of it. Afterall, they’re surrounded by Roman soldiers.
Pullo doesn’t want Vorenus to take the kids back to the brothel, because he actually has some fucking common sense unlike the children’s father. Instead, Vorenus says that he has to go back to the Aventide because he hasn’t received orders to the contrary. And Gabe, one of our regular #LegionVIII members said:
Which I misread as Lawful Good alignment, but really, it’s pretty much the same damn thing when you’re stuck with that person in your party.
So Vorenus marches them inside and introduces them as his daughter who was prostituted and his wife’s bastard son. Then tells everyone that they have to treat the kids with respect, or else. Oh, and? Once he shows the kids to their room, he tells them that they’ll never never speak of the past again. Right. Ignore it, and everything’ll be fine.
Pullo’s wife Eriene is pissed because Pullo loves Vorenus more than he loves her. He tries to convince her otherwise, but neither Eriene, nor the audience buys it.
Pullo and Vorenus broker a new peace in the Aventide to buy time for the two of them to rebuild their forces. And Gaia finally gets Vorenus to have sex with her, but he almost violently insists on paying her. Gaia is not pleased.
Vorena the Elder and the Younger have been regularly stealing money from the brothel. Not a ton – just a handful here and there to fund their escape. They’re convinced that Vorenus is evil, and they want to be as far away from him as possible. They leave one day and stop by the place where Lyde, their aunt, has taken vows to a goddess (not sure which one) and she talks them into going back to their father’s place and biding their time and pretending like everything is awesome.
Octavia goes to pay her respects to Octavian and suggest that Atia do the same. But Atia insists that Octavian should come to him. Atia does eventually have a change of heart and goes to Octavian, but it’s only to make manipulating him easier.
Octavia and Jocasta are at an orgy getting high as fuck and Agrippa, who’s set himself up as the morality police, leaves said orgy, spots Octavia on the way out and kidnaps her to bring her home to her mother. He also admits to Atia that he’s in love with Octavia. I can only assume that Atia will use this info in some horrific way – doing what she does best and destroying lives.
Oh yeah, and Octavian after he’s sworn in as consul, declares Brutus and Brutus’ buddy whose name I can never remember enemies of the state. Cicero warns against it saying it’ll divide the senate and that Brutus and that other dude have 20 legions at their disposal and they’ll march on Rome and destroy Octavian. In the meanwhile, Cicero quick dashes off a letter to Brutus and dude friend, calling them the Heroes of the Republic and invites them back to Rome. Servillia also writes a letter to Brutus, telling him to come home and sends his father’s ring.
So while Octavian, Agrippa, and that super skeezy friend of theirs are woe-is-me-ing over Brutus’ army and their certain demise, Atia shows up. Next time we see her, she’s riding sidesaddle into Antony’s camp looking regal as fuck. She and Antony have sexy times and he’s marveling that Atia came all that way alone. And she’s like, “Ha. So not alone.” He goes outside and sees Octavian’s legion and he and Octavian embrace like Antony never stole his money or tried to beat him to death, and just like that, they’re allies.
And now, the questions.
My favorite part of the episode:
I’m torn between Eriene calling Pullo out on loving Vorenus more than her and Agrippa impotently threatening Atia because of the way she speaks to Octavia.
My least favorite part of the episode:
Probably Vorenus announcing that Vorena the Elder had been prostituted and also the way she was the only one who got smeared with chicken blood when the kids were blessed or whatever the hell was going on there.
Vorena the Younger’s stealing from the brothel outfit.
Team Atia or Team Servilia, and why:
Oh, Atia was on her game this episode – just pure manipulative Atia – doing what she does best.
Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):
Guess Jess’s head canon:
Easy enough – Pullo really does love Vorenus more than Eriene.
What made Jenny super happy?
Jess’ take on The Heroes of the Republic.
Jen’s take on The Heroes of the Republic.