Okay, so Caesar and the 13th head over to Alexandria to visit with King Ptolemy and his advisors, and as soon as I saw Ptolemy, I immediately stated having flashbacks to doing daycare, and the child I’ll call The Young Prince – actually, even his mother called him that in this bizarrely overindulgent sort of way. Ptolemy and The Young Prince had a lot of similarities: highly spoiled, few, if any consequences for their behavior, ruled their homes with tiny iron fists, and their parent/minister lived in paralyzing fear of them.
Imagine this kid with white-blond hair and pale green eyes and you have The Young Prince.
So anyway, Caesar shows up and is looking for Pompey. And there’s some discussion about grain and debts, and I’ll be honest, I was super distracted by this kid reminding me of TYP, so I didn’t really catch all that. BUT! I do know that they were trying to curry favor and brought out this little surprise for Caesar.
Caesar is furious and super unimpressed with his gift. They killed a Roman consul and he’s not having it. Ptolemy sasses him and he shuts that right now. He asks for the rest of the body only to be assured that it was given a proper funeral. (Caesar and I both think they were lying.) He storms out, leaving his servant to bring the head and they burn it properly. Ptolemy’s peeps also give up the guy who killed Pompey and he in turn gets his head cut off and mounted on a spike outside the walls.
Caesar also sends Pullo and Vorenus after Ptolemy’s sister/wife, Cleopatra, who’s being held in some kind of house arrest situation with a lot of pillows and gilded things. However, assassins are also being sent on Ptolemy’s orders to take out Cleopatra, and Pullo and Vorenus cleverly follow them to the location and kill the assassins.
Cleopatra worries that if she can’t seduce Caesar, she’s dead. Then she realizes if she gives him a son which none of his three wives have managed, she’ll be in good standing. Realizing that she’s currently ovulating, she has her servant summon Vorenus. But, he won’t put out, since he’s not about to be commanded by a woman.
He storms out and sends Pullo in who’s only too happy to cooperate. When I say only too happy? I really mean it. I feel like Pullo will be that guy Cleopatra remembers for the rest of her life. He gets all the points for stamina, enthusiasm, strength and balance. Sadly, this was the only picture I could find.
As soon as they get back to Alexandria, she seductively greats Caesar then gets cleaned up to visit her little brother/husband in the throne room. Ptolemy looks like he’s going to piss himself. Cleopatra orders Ptolemy’s advisor’s killed and their heads join the other dude’s on the outer wall spikes.
Caesar and Cleopatra have sex and meanwhile we see Servillia and Octavia have some gauzy, soft focus sexy times and the scenes keep cutting back and forth between the two couples. Oh yeah, and while Caesar and Cleopatra are getting it on, an angry mob is gathering outside.
Back in Rome, Brutus and Cicero are hanging out in the empty senate house, and Cicero is basically saying that if Caesar doesn’t win in Alexandria, he doesn’t want to get stuck with Antony. Brutus reminds him that they swore an oath to Caesar and Antony, having overheard a good portion of the conversation, tells Cicero that if he keeps talking smack, Antony’s going to cut off Cicero’s hands and nail them to the senate door. As he’s leaving, he lets them know that Caesar was victorious.
About nine-ish months later, we’re back in Alexandria where we see Ptolemy floating facedown in the river and Caesar and Cleopatra who’s holding a cute, chubby baby (and who in no way looks like she recently gave birth) walk out into the courtyard to show off the baby boy, Caesarion, to all the assembled troops. Everyone cheers, but no one cheers louder than Pullo since there’s a decent chance that kid is his.
And now…the questions.
My favorite part of the episode:
Hmmmm…I really did enjoy Caesar dialing down Ptolemy’s arrogance quite a lot. And what wasn’t to enjoy about Pullo and Cleopatra’s sex scene.
My least favorite part of the episode:
Ptolemy floating facedown in the river. The kid was a little monster, but he probably didn’t deserve to die. Also the squelching noise of the heads getting put on spikes.
Gotta give it to Cleopatra’s simple white shift dress. And also this giant pillowcouchbedthing. I know it’s not technically a costume, but I really like it.
Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:
Atia wasn’t in this week’s episode, so Servillia, by default. And also not by default because she’s showing Octavia genuine affection.
Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):
Guess Jess’s head canon.
Pretty sure it’s Vorenus listening to Pullo and Cleopatra getting it on wishing it was him and Pullo.
What made Jenny super happy?
Jess’ take on Caesarion. (Jess’ post will be late because of migrainey horribleness.)