Bronwyn Green

The Corner of Quirky & Kinky

Some of you may remember my run-in with the cop after I parked the wrong way in front of my house a few weeks ago because of the whole too-many-cups-of-coffee-issue.

Well, the weirdness continues…

Yesterday, I pulled up in front of my house after dropping the kids to school and I heard a plastic-y crunching noise. So I got out and looked and there was a pile of credit cards. I figured maybe one of my neighbors dropped them, but when I picked them up, I realized that they belong to several different people.

So, I brought them inside and called the non-emergency police number to find out what to do with them. The guy I spoke to said they’d send someone out to fetch them. When the knock on my door sounded, I grabbed the cards and peeked to make sure it was the police and stopped dead. It was the same dude from the “I had to pee real bad” incident. Now this may seem reasonable, but we have a police force of almost 250 officers, which means there are 80-90 cops per 12 hour shift. Even with our city divided up into quadrants, that’s still 20-25 cops for my area of town.

I went out onto the porch and we had the following conversation.

Cop: (with his hand on the handle of his taser) “I hear you found some credit cards.”

Me: “Yes I did. Here…these are for you.” (I handed him the plastic sandwich bag where I’d stored the credit cards so I wouldn’t lose them. You might think it wouldn’t be possible to lose a pile of eleven cards in an hour, but I’m amazing and can misplace anything in three seconds flat.)

Cop: “So, you found them in your backyard?”

Me: (befuddled by the fact that it’s the same cop) “Yes. Wait…no. Not in the backyard.”

Cop: “In the front yard”

Me: Yes. Wait…no.”

Cop: (Eying me a little strangely.) “Well, where did you find them?”

Me: “By your car.”

Cop: (Suspicious weird look aimed my way – at this point, I was worried that he was starting to think I’d stolen them myself)

Me: “I mean, I found them in the street, where the front end of your car is. Sorry…they’re a little gritty – I kinda ran over them. Accidentally.”

Cop: (Flipping through the cards) “Well, I’ll take these back to the station. Thanks for calling this in.”

Me: “No problem. Um…by the way, thanks for not giving me a ticket a few weeks ago for parking the wrong way.”

Cop: (Clearly trying not to laugh) “Yeah…I thought that was you.”

I worry that there’s file that has my name on it and it’s getting bigger by the month. If there is such a file, I’m guessing it says things like “crazy” or “odd behavior.” Oh well, at least it wasn’t the same cop who came to visit me when Betty the Biddy called about my children dancing naked in the rain.

Small mercies, right?

So does this stuff ever happen to you? I’m hoping it’s not just me, so if you’ve got weird cop stories, let me know that I’m not alone – lol!


Since it’s Mother’s Day, I thought I’d introduce you to the most amazing person I know – my mom. The oldest of seven, mother of five, registered nurse, doctor of psychology and the best mom in the world. Of course, I’m biased, but I consider myself the luckiest kid around. I hope all you moms out there have a fantastic Mother’s Day.






…from my soon to be released story, Body of Art from Resplendence Publishing.

“Actually, I don’t think you were avoiding the conversation as much as you were avoiding what I was about to do.”

Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips and she kicked the wheel faster. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Seth.”

“I like the way you say my name,” he murmured as he stepped closer to her.

Her eyes widened in alarm, but she didn’t say anything.

Sliding his hands into her hair, he angled her face upward. “And I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.”

She shook her head, frantic little movements between his hands. Leaning closer, his lips skimmed her cheek as they coasted toward her ear. A shiver worked through her body and her foot slipped from the pedal.

“You knew I was about to kiss you earlier…and you wanted me to.”

A squeak that might have been the word ‘no’ escaped her lips. Her breathing quickened and she held herself so tightly she trembled. “I think you’re mistaken,” she choked out.

“If I’m mistaken about that, am I also mistaken about the way your nipples tightened when you were posing for me?”

“It was cold in there.”

“I didn’t know being chilly was a turn on,” he whispered against her ear.

“What are you on about now?” she demanded, her voice breathy, nervous.

“I’m sure no one else noticed, but I could smell your arousal. That leads me to believe you either have an exhibitionist streak, or…you want me as badly as I want you.”

She gasped, the sound sharp against his ear. The clay she’d been spinning slid off the wheel to thump loudly against the side of the tub that housed the wheel.

Still holding her head between his palms, he pulled back and glanced down at her. “Judging from the way your nipples are knotting against your shirt right now, I think it’s the latter.”

“No,” she mouthed, shaking her head, but no sound came out.

Holding her gaze, he lowered his head until his lips hovered just above hers.

“Seth, I don’t think—”

“Good. Don’t think.” He captured the velvet sweetness of her mouth as she stiffened in his embrace. Gently, he nipped and suckled until she opened beneath the pressure of his lips and he deepened the kiss, tasting her fully. Mixed with the tanginess of the pizza and the sweetness of the Coke, he tasted something uniquely Callie—delicious and addicting.

As if she was moving in slow motion, she began to respond, her lips sliding against his, parting further to accommodate the gentle probing of his tongue. The last thing he wanted with her was gentleness, but he also didn’t want to scare her away. As it was, she still held herself rigidly in his embrace. She was strung so taut, it seemed like she might shatter at any moment.

Keeping one hand anchored in the silk of her hair, and sliding the other down her back to rest at her waist, he urged her closer. It wasn’t close enough. He pulled her flush against his body, flush against his aching cock. Her body jerked against his in response and she released a shuddering sigh into his mouth, suddenly melting against him. Her hands grasped his forearms, splotching his skin with cold, wet clay as she dug her fingers into his flesh.

“Doctor Sulli—Um…yeah…I’ll just come back later.”

The words registered in the back of Seth’s brain, as Callie flew from his arms, stumbling backward into the base of the standing wheel.

He glanced toward the door, but whoever had been there was long gone. So was Callie. She’d already darted across the room and busied herself scrubbing the clay from her hands. Returning to his side with a wet washcloth, she studiously avoided his gaze she handed it to him.

“Sorry about getting you dirty,” she muttered before attempting to retreat to the far side of the room again.”

He grabbed her arm, forcing her to stay. “S’okay. I don’t mind.”

She did meet his eyes then.

He shrugged. “I’m not proud, Callie. I’ll take your touch any way I can get it.” He’d meant to comfort her, but as he spoke, he realized the words were true. He had it bad for this woman, and every moment spent in her company made it worse. She pushed her glasses up on her nose, watching silently as he wiped the clay residue from his skin.

“Students will be here any minute. Why don’t I show you where to change?” Her withdrawal was tangible. She might as well have slammed a door in his face…and dragged heavy furniture in front of it to barricade his way.

“Don’t you think we should maybe talk?” he asked.

“Nope.” Skirting five large kilns and two smaller ones, she unlocked a heavy wood door and propped it open with a cinder block doorstop. “We don’t have a proper dressing room in here, but the storage room locks and there are several robes hanging on a hook on the back of the door.”

She didn’t want to talk? That was fine, but before the night was over she was damn well going to feel. Placing the wet rag in her hand as he crossed the room to enter the storage room, he looked her in the eye. “Start thinking about how you want me.”


This is the cover art for my new story, Body of Art, available at Resplendence Publishing on May 19th!

Art professor, Seth Granger, has two problems—an absentee life drawing model and a case of unrequited lust. Luckily his troubles have the same answer—his colleague, Dr. Callie Sullivan. The trick will be getting her out of her clothes and into his studio…and hopefully into his bed. However, she’s intent on keeping her mind on her art and ignoring him. Now he just needs to convince her she should be his body of art.

I’ll be posting an excerpt soon!

It’s amazing how much happiness and sadness you can cram into one weekend. Friday night was spent at the funeral home. A longtime friend of the family passed away. I grew up with his kids and though I rarely agreed with his political/religious views, and we “discussed” them whenever we saw each other, he was a good man and he’ll be missed.

Saturday was spent at my baby sister’s college graduation. I cannot believe four years have passed so quickly. I swear we just moved her in last month. The graduation itself (aside from being hot and sweaty and getting a severe case of bleacher-butt) was awesome. They had bagpipers (a couple darn cute ones) lead the class in. I love both men in kilts and (well-played) bagpipe music, ’cause I’m kinda nerdy like that, and these people were fabulous. The choir sang the most amazing acapella version of Loch Lomand that gave me goosebumps and actually made me a little teary-eyed. Here’s a link to last year’s performance, but this years was better. 😉 The commencement speaker was actually worth listening to and I was thrilled to see Cait walk across the stage to much hooping and hollering. After the ceremony, there was also the entertainment of meeting one of her friends who wore only her bikini and high heels under her robe. I’m positive she was far more comfortable than the rest of us.

Sunday we had a big family dinner – my mom, my dad and stepmom, my three brothers, my sister, two sister-in-laws, two nieces, two nephews, me, hubby and the boys and it was great. Lots of laughing, food, playing with the kids, dodging nerf darts and snuggling the new baby. It was pretty much a perfect day.

Eighteen years ago, on April 18th, my husband and I brought home a teeny-tiny black, gray and brown stripey kitten from the local humane society. We named her Nimue because I’m a giant nerd, and she was my baby. She had the most beautiful sage green eyes and would purr whenever she was with me. She was shy and a little skittish around other people, but she loved me.

She laid by my side while I worked and kept me company with every book I wrote – even the pile of crap ones that’ll never see the light of day. She was unimpressed when I bought the boys home from the hospital, but quickly took over the role of “Mom Cat” and would do her best Timmy’s-in-the-well-Lassie-impersonation whenever one of them would cry or doing something she didn’t approve of.

Over the last year, she’s grown understandably more feeble and a little blind and had taken to hiding for hours at a time – cupboards and bookshelves being her favorite spots. When she wouldn’t answer last night when I called, my husband went looking for her. He found her curled up on a bookshelf, looking like she’d simply fallen asleep. I’m grateful that she went peacefully, but I miss her like mad.

Well, the kids are back in school. I didn’t get much work done while they were on break – mostly because we were doing things.

We went and visited friends, had friends come over here, spent some quality time in the emergency room. It was a pretty typical Spring Break.We also went to the butterfly garden. We have a large local garden and sculpture park and every spring, they fill their rain forest garden with chrysalises that hatch into exotic butterflies. You walk around the garden and check out the flowers, plants and butterflies. Often if you wear bright colors and sit still the butterflies will land on you. It’s kinda cool.As we walked around the garden I was stuck behind a woman with her thong and her ass hanging way out of her jeans. Here’s a tip…Pull. Up. Your. Pants. But alas, that was not to be. Because she kept bending over to take pictures, I repeatedly got an eyeful of hot pink thong and butt crack. Then she would squeal and thrash when the butterflies would hover around her undies. Following that, she’d giggle coyly and flirt with the nearby dads who were there with their kids. Seriously? You’re trying to pick up dads…with kids…at a butterfly garden???

Later that day, I taught Abby to knit. She caught on so quickly, it was like she already knew how and I’d just reminded her. I was so impressed. Later that day, I took her older sister to get her first piercing. (ear cartilage – nothing naughty – she is only 14) Yes, with her mom’s permission – lol. Their mom was so funny. She said, “Butterfly garden, knitting lessons and piercings? You really are full service daycare!”
On Easter Sunday, we went to my cousin’s house with about 30-40 other relatives. The highlight was when my sister, Cait goaded me into playing a play station singing game. I couldn’t help myself…there were 80s songs.

Now I’m back to work. I’ve got a ton of writing to do in a very short time.

I’m so tired, I can barely keep my eyes open today. Too many late nights in a row and getting up waaaaaaaaaaay too early. Blech. But it’s almost Spring Break and I’ll be able to sleep in as late as I want. YAY!

Here’s another great thing. The lovely Fran Lee interviewed me in her column for the Salt Lake City Examiner! You can read the interview here. I’d love it if you stopped by and left me a comment. 🙂

One last thing before I go tackle the rest of my day. Are you looking for something good to read, but don’t have a lot of time? I’d like to recommend Kim Dare’s latest, Gaydar. I loved the characters, the story and especially the dialogue. It’s brand new this week at TEB.

Here’s the blurb, if you’d like to take a peek.

Find a gay man in a gay bar. Matt’s sure that should be a lot easier than it actually is.

Matt’s having a run of bad luck – one that’s lasted ever since he stepped out of the closet. An uncanny ability to home in on the only straight guy in a bar room full of gay men really isn’t doing his sex life any favours. A knack for picking complete jerks whenever he does stumble upon a genuinely gay man isn’t helping either.

But, this time everything is going to be different. This time Matt’s absolutely sure his gaydar has guided him towards a completely sane, entirely gay man – which is why he’s arranged to meet him in the gents’ room in five minutes.

What could possibly go wrong?