Soooo… on Saturday, I went to a baby shower with Jen Armintrout and our friend Jill. We had to drive through all kinds of back roads with Jen navigating.
Now keep in mind, this involves a whole lot of Jen narration, like:
Jen: That’s a meth house.
Jen: See that hill? I’m pretty sure that’s where my cousin Christina lives. Except, there’s no road to get there, so maybe that’s not where she lives.
Jill: That’s a meth house.
Jen: If you turn right there – No! Don’t turn right there, I was just saying that if you did turn right there, you’d go to my mom’s.
Jen: That’s a meth house that burned down.
For those of you who are wondering, we were driving through Allegan County – Meth Capital of the US.
Jen: See that curve right there? No, that one. Okay, once I was driving on this road and there was a deer in the road so I stopped my car and the deer put its head all the way inside my window and sniffed around the inside of car and then snorted and wandered away.
Jill: Are you going to tell that story every time you drive down this road? I’ve heard that story at least forty times.
Jen: Then you should stop going down this road with me.
While they were discussing the deer story, the unmistakable flash of red and blue lights showed up in my rear view mirror. So I pulled over trying to figure out what I’d done to get pulled over. I knew I’d just come to a full stop at a flashing red light, so that wasn’t it. But I stopped the car and waited for the cop to reach the car.
Me: Jen, don’t say anything. I don’t want this to end with the cop asking us to get out of the car.
Me: Hey Jill, can you hand me my purse?
Jen: No! Don’t go digging through your purse! The cop might think you’re looking for a gun or something.
Cop: Good afternoon, Ma’am. How are you?
Me: Um…fine. (Seriously, why do they asked that. It’s not like you’re going to really say what you’re thinking which in my case was, “OHMYGOD! Why did you pull me over? Is this going to take a long time because I have to pee real, real bad.”)
Cop: I clocked you at sixty-one miles per hour on Marsh road.
Me: Oh. (staring blankly because I have no idea what the speed limit is there)
Cop: It’s forty-five through there.
Cop: Where were you going in such a hurry?
Me: A baby shower. I didn’t want to be late.
Cop: (glancing at my dashboard clock) What time is the shower?
Me: Four. (it was 3:44)
Cop: Where is it?
Me: Um, I don’t really know. I’m not from around here. Jen?
Jen: (looks at me all wide-eyed and crazy) Across from Perigo.
Cop: Okay. I need to see your license and registration.
So I get my license out of my purse and then dig though my glove box for the rest.
Jen: You have too many napkins.
As soon as the officer took my info back to his car, Jen whipped around in her seat to face me.
Jen: Why didn’t you lie? You’re supposed to say, ‘I’m so sorry officer. I had no idea how fast I was going.’ You’re not supposed to say you knew you were speeding to get to a baby shower?
Me: Maybe I’ll get points for honesty?
Jen: Oh, you’re gonna get points all right. And WHY did you make me talk to him? I can’t be trusted. I almost opened the door and ran up hill, hopped the fence and took off down the airfield to sweet, sweet freedom.
Me: Crap. I hope I don’t go to jail.
Jill: Why? Have you got priors?
I cracked up realizing that I was being ridiculous and we were all laughing and thinking a ticket was inevitable since we were all laughing like idiots.
Me: I have to pee.
Jen: Christ, Bron! Why didn’t you tell him that. Having to pee is a better reason for speeding than trying to make it to a baby shower on time.
Me: I don’t know!
Jill: I can’t believe the first time I ride in your car and we get pulled over.
The cop actually let me off with a warning. (Yay, points for honesty!) and we finally made it to the shower while Jen muttered about running away… In fact, her take on what happened is here. Go read! 😀