So, Pompey and Caesar’s forces are fighting in Greece, Antony is holding down the fort in Rome and basically being his d-bag self and making what some consider to be questionable decisions. (I feel certain the naked slaves fighting with real weapons as part of his sexytimes games fall into that camp.)
Atia, in addition to her normal scheming, becomes absolutely obsessed with making a man out of Octavian. She threatens to burn all of his silly books if he doesn’t get laid, and Atia has our boy Titus take him to the best brothel in town to pick out a slave.
This…doesn’t go terribly well, but they fake it and carry on. Atia also thinks it would help Octavian to be a man if he joins Caesar and kills some people. (See? Best. Mom. Ever. Actually, now that I think on it, I’ve met the modern version of Atia. She’s the literal worst.)
Titus also continues to counsel Vorenus through his marital woes. Vorenus is cranky because Niobe won’t have sex with him while her sister is in the house – you know the one Niobe had an affair and a child with while thinking Vorenus was dead and claimed the kid belonged to her fourteen year old daughter? Yeah, that one. Anyway, her sister is there because her husband is missing and she’s grieving, etc.
Vorenus and Titus go get good and drunk and Vorenus continues to cry on Titus’ shoulder. Titus goes to far to hug Vorenus and call him “lamb” while Vorenus is sobbing over the state of his marriage, setting the sails on the Titus/Vorenus portion of the Jarmada.
Somewhere in all this, Atia sends Servilla a “sorry I ruined your and Caesar’s affair and made him choose between you and his wife” gift. And what gift says “sorry I ruined your and Caesar’s affair and made him choose between you and his wife”? Well, a gold and gem encrusted turtle shell and a naked slave with a huge and very decorated penis, of course. Because as Atia said, “A large penis is always welcome.” And, continuing her MotY run, she has Octavia deliver the gift.
Servilla isn’t pleased with the situation but stresses to Octavia that she still adores her.
Titus convinces Niobe’s sister that her husband is dead, and the sister leaves and Vorenus is happy because he and Niobe are having sex again. Also having sex are Atia and Marc Antony. She’s of course trying to scheme her way into a higher, more stable position by attempting to convince Antony to marry her and declare himself King of Rome. This backfires. He calls her a harpy. She slaps him. He slaps her back. Afterward, he storms out and calls up all his troops to cross the sea and join Caesar in Greece.
Niobe and Vorenus are especially unhappy about this.
Actually, no one is happy about this. They’re even less happy while they’re crossing the storm tossed sea in wooden boats. And less happy still when Titus insults Triton and the storm worsens.
And now, the questions.
My favorite part of the episode:
Atia’s servant ready to straight up stab Marc Antony if he did anything else to Atia. Sadly, I can’t find a screen cap of this.
My least favorite part of the episode:
Realizing the slave Octavian picked to lose his virginity to looked a whoooooooole lot like his sister.
Probably this simple white dress of Octavia’s. It looks super comfy. I’d wear it.
Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:
Atia was being her motherly worst this episode. Even more so than usual, it seems. And Servilla was spectacularly regal. I really loved her reassuring Octavia that she was still welcome and that Servilla still cared about her. And even though Servilla is actively plotting Atia’s downfall, you get the feeling that what she’s said is true.
Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):
Guess Jess’s head canon.
When Vorenus got drunk with Titus and Titus called him “lamb”. I think that really put the wind in the Jarmada’s sails. So to speak.
What made Jenny super happy?