Bronwyn Green

Thanks to Tamsin Frost for this week’s title – because she’s awesome.

This is also the one where I want to repeatedly throat punch Lamia just to make her stop talking with that awful, breathy, little girl voice. I know, I know. I’m sounding really violent right now, but I have a horrible headache, and I think I’m coming down with something. *drinks all the Gypsy Cold Care tea in the world*

Anyway, I hate this episode. I hate it like mad. It’s one of my least favorite ones. Possibly my least favorite. Whatever. It’s awful.

Basically, there’s this outlying village in Camelot, and all the men are being struck down by this strange illness. Some old friends of Gwen’s live in the village and ride to Camelot for help. Gaius can’t go because there’s some sort of vague sweating sickness going around, and he’s got to stay there to take care of that. But the way the lines are delivered, it honestly just sounds like Gaius doesn’t want to go and it’s a convenient excuse.

So he suggests sending Merlin and after some questioning of Merlin’s skills, Arthur agrees and sends Gwen, Leon, Elian Percival and Gwaine with them as an escort. They get to the village, Merlin is unable to heal the stricken with magic and then suspects that it must be magic that made them sick in the first place.

They go head back to Camelot to tell Arthur and get Gaius or something, and they find this young woman tied up in the woods with a bunch of dead, or at least mostly dead, marauders. The young woman has clearly been through an ordeal. Everyone wants to take care of her, but when Merlin tries to tend to her, she flips shit.

Using her breathy, little girl lost voice, Lamia (for that is her name) beguiles the knights and leads them farther into the woods, away from Camelot. Gwen and Merlin figure out something is wrong, but no one will listen to them. They all have their heads up Lamia’s ass.

Meanwhile, Arthur, Gaius, Agravaine and some other knights head to the stricken village. They discover that Merlin and everyone have left for Camelot and Gaius diagnoses the sick as having been attacked by a Lamia. They go off in search of Gwen and Merlin and co. and discover that their tracks are leading them away from Camelot. Arthur comes across the spot where the others found Lamia and discover one of dead guys is only mostly dead. He gives them the scoop on Lamia and Arthur and crew continue on searching for Merlin and Gwen while Agravaine whines and wants to go home. I guess he’s bored or something.

In the middle of the night, while Elian is keeping watch, Lamia kisses him and renders him mostly dead by stealing his energy, I guess. Gwen flips shit when they find him and Lamia convinces the remaining knights to take Elian to this creepy abandoned castle, because you can always find the best healers at creepy, abandoned castles.

Merlin and Gwen know she’s full of shit and try to convince the knights but Leon completely loses it and rips Merlin a new one yelling about how Merlin never liked Lamia anyway or something, and drags Elian through the forest to the creepy, abandoned castle. Merlin and Gwen follow along anyway, because what choice do they have if they want to save Elian?

Once in the castle, Lamia darts away and hides and starts eliminating the other knights separating them and then kissing them and stealing their souls. Or energy. Or will to live. Every time she spoke, she stole my will to live. She eventually turns into her monster form and fights Merlin, telling him his magic is useless. But then Gwen, who’s completely bad ass in this episode, picks up a sword, runs in and attacks the monster. The creature knocks them down and Arthur kills it from behind.

Once it’s dead, everyone recovers and Arthur is super impressed (and clearly sexually excited) by Gwen’s badassery and waxes poetic about it. Merlin gets no credit for anything – like usual.

 

Fin.

 

Okay…the questions!

1.)  If I’d written this episode… I would have gotten a different damn actress to play Lamia. Or at least given her better vocal direction.

2.) The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. Hated: Mostly the whole episode, really. Not sure I can narrow it down more than that. Loved: There’s not a lot I like about this episode other that Merlin’s frequent “real sick of your shit” faces. See example below:

3.) Something you never noticed about this episode before. How there was tons and tons of hanging ivy growing from the ceiling inside the creepy, abandoned castle even though it was super dark because the roof appeared to be intact. Hey, set designer…plants need light to grow.

4.) Favorite costume.  Gwen’s cape jacket cloak thing – which I will be developing a sewing pattern for. Because I need it. And, it looks pretty easy.

5.) Here is some proof of some random head canon I’ve created. Nothing this week.

6.) What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? I’m not sure it’s really a Merthur moment, but we all know that Jess rewrites virtually every bit of Merlin/Arthur interaction in her head, so I’m going with when Arthur told Gaius Merlin couldn’t find his own backside. (In Jess’ version, Arthur volunteers to help him.)

7.) What made Jen lose her shit  – in a good or bad way? Agravaine’s general whiny-ness and his disappearing armor.

Here’s Jess‘ take on the episode, and here’s Jen’s