Bronwyn Green

The Corner of Quirky & Kinky

So I’m at the grocery store this morning checking out at one of those little U-scan things. In passing, I noticed that someone had left a copy of one of those tabloid newspapers next to the scanner. The title of the headlining article was something like Who’s Gay. Who’s Not. I rolled my eyes and finished scanning and bagging my groceries. All of a sudden I hear this big, booming voice behind me say, “Who’s gay?”

I whip around and there’s this dude that looks like the angry dad from that one motorcycle building show – complete with the giant, gray mustache.

Mustache Guy: (stabs his finger at the title of the article and repeats) “Who’s gay?”

Me: (with a smile) “Who cares?”

Mustache Guy: “But look, there’s Meredith Baxter Birney, Martha Stewart, Ricky Martin – they’re all gay.”

Me: (still smiling) “So’s my sister. Like I said, who cares?”

Mustache Guy: (turning an unholy shade of maroon) “Oh! Oh! Oh!”

Me: “Sexual orientation doesn’t matter.”

(Watching him scramble for his mental footing was probably more entertaining than it should have been.)

Mustache Guy: (awkwardly sputtering) “Well, I bet your parents love her just the same, don’t they?”

Me: “Why, yes they do.” (pushing my cart away from the U-scan.)

Mustache Guy: “Well that’s good. I mean they should.” (calling after me as I cross the aisle to the Starbucks kiosk for that coffee I now need more than ever) Good for them. No really – good for them. “

Memo to Mustache Guy: Think before speaking. Please.

On a related note – the word needs more kids like this one. I love Colin!

0 thoughts on “Who’s Gay?

  1. Chris says:


    I thought the conversation with Mustache Guy was going to go very differently – in fact, I'm sort of pleasantly surprised, compared to the frothing I expected!

  2. You know what? You're absolutely right! It could have gone another, awful way all together. šŸ™‚

  3. Devon Rhodes says:

    You and your magnet…(shakes head)

    Adding my thanks that it went the PC route rather than the zealot route, handy Starbucks not withstanding. šŸ™‚

    My conversations about the topic haven't always gone as nicely, and that's with people I know. šŸ™

  4. @ Dev – trust me when I tell you that conversations with people I *do* know tend to get a little more…intense. Also, this guy really did seem to feel bad.

    Hey! You promised me a long email about hair! Where is it, little missy?!

  5. Characters are everywhere, aren't they? LOL.

    I'm amazed you could scan your groceries and have this conversation at the same time. I always get performance anxiety at the U-scan.

  6. Mia Watts says:

    Wait. WHO'S GAY!??!?!

    Geez. What a maroon.

  7. Mustache Guy has probably never choked on his biker boot before.
    Nice job, GF!

  8. mamatulip says:

    ACK. I, too, thought that the conversation with MG would go in a MUCH different direction. I kind of breathed a sigh of relief when I was finished reading.

    Before I clicked on that link at the end I thought you meant Colin Farrell – he wrote an open letter recently against bullying and discrimination against homosexuals. But the Colin you linked to is JUST AS AWESOME!

  9. Kim in florida says:

    I'm glad he learned something.
    And Colin is one smart cookie!

    I saw that magazine myself and all i could think of was, who cares? its not my business and its no ones business but their's.

    Love is love and considering how many magazines, books, movies, self help and love guru's abound, people should be glad that love has been found instead of begrudging them due to their sex.


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